Kimberly had finally put her divorce behind her. She had gone back to school to earn the additional certification she wanted which allowed her to get that promotion at work. She had worked with a life coach to gain clarity on issues surrounding her divorce. She was feeling confident and happy and ready to move forward.
She had joined an online dating site and was enjoying meeting new people. She recently met a guy, Chris. She thought there might be a future together. He was funny, attractive, and had a stable job. There was definitely chemistry between them. Yet, there were a few signs that were troubling her. Should she continue to see him?
If you’re dating and you see the following signs in your new guy, it may be time to tell you him to hit the road before you get too involved.
By heeding these signs early in the relationship, you'll save yourself heartache later.
1. He is rude to wait staff
He’s dismissive to the waiter. He’s rude to the waitress when she forgot to bring the water. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it may be indicative of an attitude of superiority. He may have a sense of entitlement. This kind of man may not be sensitive to your needs and to the needs of others.
2. He denigrates marriage
You notice during conversations about your married friends that he becomes defensive and makes comments about how stupid it is to get married. Or he states he will never marry again and that marriage “is just a piece of paper”. This is suggestive of larger commitment issues and a lack of respect for the institute of marriage. If your long-term plans are to get married again or to be in a committed relationship, then this guy’s values are not aligned to yours.
3. He is self-absorbed
You have started to note that he doesn’t seem to really listen or remember what you’ve told him. He talks about himself A LOT. When you’re talking, he manages to turn the conversation back to what he thinks and wants. Pursuing a relationship with this guy will only leave you brokenhearted as he won’t be willing to think of your needs and desires.
4. He talks badly about children
He tells you he doesn’t want kids. He makes disparaging remarks about his nieces and nephews and how annoying they are. If you’re a mom or you want kids in the future, take this sign seriously. He is not a family man, so move on to someone who is fond of children and shares your values.
5. He bad mouths his mother
If he complains about his mother and bashes her, he may have an unhealthy attitude towards women. The mother/son relationship is an important one and leads to healthy romantic relationships. If he does not have a healthy relationship with his mother, he may have issues in his romantic life.
6. He’s obsessed with his mother
On the other hand, if he talks about his mother constantly and spends a lot of time texting her, especially during your dates, he may have boundary issues. While this seems endearing at first, if the relationship with his mother does not have appropriate limits, this could be harmful to the woman who wishes to enter a relationship with him. He may value his mother’s opinions over his significant other’s.
7. He bad mouths his ex
You’re on a date and he makes a negative comment about his ex-wife. Then, another comment that makes you cringe. You realize that some relationships end badly, but his words are sending up little red flags. When a man is constantly blaming his ex for all his problems, it’s a clue that he doesn’t take accountability for his own life and that he may have some issues with women, in general. Steer clear of the man that is trash talking his ex on your date.
8. He seems overly concerned with money
While a guy who is flashing cash and taking you to expensive dinners may seem financially stable, watch how he speaks about work and money. If you notice that he discusses work often and he is overly focused on his financial successes, this may be a symptom that he values money over people or relationships.
9. He buries his head in his phone
When you are out on a date, you expect the person to listen attentively and be responsive as you get to know each other. If he can’t give you a few minutes of attention without his phone ringing or he is unable to stop checking for texts on your first few dates, run from this one! Think of the little attention you’ll receive in the future. This is just plain rude. (And take note, ladies, you should be courteous and respectful by laying off the technology as well during your dates!)
10. He has antiquated views of gender roles
You’re strolling along in the park and conversing well. However, you begin to notice that he speaks about how women should be cooking or cleaning in the home or discusses women in the workplace in stereotypical roles. He may have outdated ideas of gender roles. It’s 2017 and it’s time for men and women to be educated regarding divisions of labor. You want an equal partner, not a father.
Luckily, Kimberly heeded the warning signs and let Chris go. She followed her intuition before she invested her heart too deeply. So if you’re dating and you see any of these signs, think very carefully before you continue in the relationship.