Change is never easy. Even though you know the marriage is over when your husband moves out, it is a rite of passage. For some women, it may be traumatic while others may do a happy dance. Regardless of how you feel, it is a change and you will need to move on after he moves out.
I remember the day my husband moved his personal items out. I purposely did not want to be there. When I did return home and saw the empty closets, it was like someone had died. That someone was my marriage. It was a reality check for me that I would now be alone with all the responsibilities that entailed.
It is funny to remember some of the things that went through my head. Did my alarm system work? What if my son decided not to listen to me? What did my future hold? How would I support myself? As our minds do, mine went from one thought to another. Finally, I thought, stop. I would try to take one step at a time and one day at a time. Of course, that is easier said than done.
So, I did try to move on; gradually. These are three steps that helped me:
1. Re-Arrange Your Furniture: This comes with a warning. For any heavy or large furniture get some assistance when you move it. I know you are strong and independent, but, let’s be realistic.
Interior decorating is not my forte. In other words, when a painting was bought and hung, that is where it stayed. Couches and chairs, the same thing. One day at the library, I picked up a book on feng shui. It motivated me to move things around. This was a full week project and I was amazed how a few changes felt so good. The energy felt better and more alive.
I especially recommend changing around your bedroom. Consider buying some new sheets or some new pillows. Delight in your choices. You do not have to please anyone at this point in your life except yourself.
2. Begin Building a Network of Single Friends: This can take some time. When I separated from my husband, I did not have one "single" friend. Most of the first year, I spent in front of my television during my free times. Gradually, I did meet single friends both male and female. The Universe will fill a void in our lives; be patient and be open to new relationships. Say “yes” when sometimes it is easier to say “no” and just park yourself in front of that television.
At first it was uncomfortable for me to meet a friend for a drink or dinner at a bar or restaurant. I was nervous walking in alone. I would arrive late and first call them to confirm they were already there. The more I ventured out the easier it became, like riding a bike.
3. Do a Makeover of Yourself and your Closet: When I was ready to start dating, a dear friend and neighbor of mine took me out to lunch to gently give me some advice. She suggested I needed clothes a little more showy, elegant and in-style. She also suggested I accessorize my outfits.
I went home and took stock of my wardrobe. The clothes were great for parent meetings at my son’s school, but, certainly not for dating. I also noticed over half of my clothes were the color black, guess I was in mourning. I love wearing the color black, but, now I needed more variety.
Take a critical look at your wardrobe. Have a friend help. Add some pizazz. A few new blouses for your new life can make a difference in the way you feel and the way you project yourself to others. Put a smile on your face and experiment.
Before my very first date, I walked over to my neighbor’s house for her approval and she approved. I had a gorgeous, sexy print silk blouse and black pants. Ok, so all the black did not go.
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