Living in the home together before divorce may not be ideal, but it may give you the best outcome as you sort through the transition into your new life. Take deep breaths and move slowly without being bullied, coerced, or rushed into a place that you regret.
If you are getting a divorce and you have children together, then finding a non-hostile way to go through a divorce is important. Being aggressive and angry with your former spouse can have a long-term impact on the mental health of your children. Their world is already shifting, and they need stability and grace from their parents. As parents, a happy home begins with us.
When parents come to me for help in their divorce, I look for ways to make the divorce a collaborative process where both parties feel happy with the outcomes and can negotiate in a friendly, peaceful environment. Working well together is advantageous to everyone involved and creates more mutually acceptable solutions. While you work through the divorce process, there are a few things you can do to stay calm for your health and your children's.
Here are five ways to keep the peace with your spouse during divorce:
1. Take Care of Yourself
It may be the last thing you want to do, but this is the time to take care of yourself with proper nutrition and exercise. Airplane companies always advise parents to put on the oxygen mask first before they help their child. You have to take care of yourself to take care of them.
2. Create a “Conversation Notebook”
Have a “conversation notebook” and fill it with a very precise outline of notes and topics you need to discuss with your husband. Your notebook will help you stay focused on issues that are pertinent without getting sidetracked by anger and resentment.
3. Get Outside
Divorce is stressful and can take over every moment of our time. When you and your kids get out in nature, your body produces chemicals that lower stress and produces a positive response in the body and mind. A state park or a beach day makes for a perfect outing during the divorce to clear your head and help you reconnect.
4. Treat Each Other with Respect
Look for the “win-win” when setting up a schedule and plans, knowing that you are doing your best to keep the situation easy for everyone. Respectful action and words will help you create a more pleasant transition into your new situations.
5. Take a Deep Breath
The more in control of your emotions you are now, the better the payoff down the line as you rebuild your life. You will get past this time in your life. Deep breaths will help you to re-direct emotions and achieve the focus you need to get what you want and what your family needs.
A messy contentious divorce only causes more pain and anguish and makes it more difficult for yourself and your children. Stay focused on taking care of yourself and doing what you can to have a peaceful closure to your marriage.
The Biggest Divorce Mistake:
There is no doubt that relationships are hard. Within every relationship, there are intense emotional cycles, mood swings, the ups and downs of a career, family demands, and the swinging pendulum of life. It is easy to see why people are so ready to abandon it all and move on by the time the “D” word starts to come up because you probably have been struggling for a while and just want to move out and move on with your life.
But don’t do it! Running away from it all is the biggest divorce mistake!
Did you know that if you move out, you may never get that property back??
You have to think it through and make sure you are making the healthiest long-term solutions. Rushing to get as far away from your situation as possible often means you give away things that later you wish you hadn’t.
Here are the top three things to do when you are ready to leave the marriage:
- Hang tight and call a lawyer: A lawyer can help you come up with a reasonable plan that has your best long-term interest in mind. You can co-inhabit the home until the marriage has been dissolved.
- Take photos of your shared property and gather records: Know what you own together and what you own separately. Having photos and documents handy will make the divorce go quicker.
- Don't go on a spending spree: This does not look favorable when you are going through the divorce process. It is best to keep your spending at the same level as it was previously.
Living in the home together may not be ideal, but it may give you the best outcome as you sort through the transition into your new life. Take deep breaths and move slowly without being bullied, coerced, or rushed into a place that you regret.