6 Things To Think About Before Having Sex With Your Ex

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By Cathy Meyer, Founding Editor - July 07, 2017

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Should you have sex with your ex?

One thing is for sure, if you are newly divorced and have been without sex for a while, it can be tempting. When certain urges hit what better way to satisfy those urges than with someone you have a shared intimate history?

If that is, you are still the least bit attracted to your ex. Keep in mind before going there that it will no longer be sex with your spouse, it will now be casual sex.

Before you partake in the old and comfortable to relieve those urges put some thought into the possible outcome. Getting an itch scratched is one thing, getting it scratched by your ex can be tricky and open yourself up for trouble.

6 Things to Think About Before Having Sex With Your Ex

1. Do you still have feelings for your ex, was this a divorce you didn’t want?

If so having sex with your ex is no way to put those feelings behind you and move on. If you are not able to stay emotionally uninvolved jumping into bed with your ex will only be asking for trouble.

2. Don’t forget the reasons for your divorce. If your marital problems were so severe that divorce was your only option, do you really want to sleep with the ex? If you divorce someone to get him/her out of your life inviting him/her back in for intimate get together is only inviting him/her back into your life.

The person you are now considering having sex with is the same person you no longer wanted share your life. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that only sharing intimacy won’t give this person access to other parts of your life.

3. Who else has your ex had sex with? Is he/she dating and is there a possibility they’ve been intimate with others? You may think that sex with your ex is safe, both emotionally and physically but, are you sure? Don’t take it for granted that sex with your ex is safe sex. Always be sure to protect yourself by using a condom and some form of birth control.

4. If you’re trying to heal from the divorce and move on, sex with your ex will do nothing but hold you back. The more time you spend with your ex, even if you think it is only casual sex, the less time you’ll have to focus on your future and meeting someone new.

5. Do you really want to be fuck buddies when the man you no longer wanted to be married to? Or, worse yet, the man who no longer wanted to be married to you? Don’t relegate yourself to that position with a man you once had an intimate and committed relationship with.

6. Last, but not least, if you’re hoping he’ll fall back in love with you, sex with him isn’t going to be the catalyst. Not even your blow jobs are that good!

My thoughts on this subject are skewed by my experience. Once my ex wanted a divorce, no way would he ever be allowed back in my bed. I reserve that part of me for men who want not only sex with me but me also.

That being said, I can see where there would be instances where sex with the ex would not be a bad idea. If your divorce was mutually agreed upon and your divorce amicable I say, “go for it.”

If the two of you are attempting to reconcile and work through the problems that caused your divorce sex is an important way of connecting emotionally. If you both love each other and feel you were meant to be together, sex will only help build a stronger foundation on which to rebuild your relationship.

In the end, if you decide to have sex with your ex it is important, to be honest with yourself and your ex. Discuss your expectations, make sure you are both on the same page and that no one is being hoodwinked by the new intimate relationship.

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