Confidence Is Sexy: Build Your Confidence One Challenge At A Time
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By Sandy Weiner, Contributor - November 28, 2013


As a kid, I was a tomboy. In my twenties, with my short pixy haircut and flat chest, I was often addressed as 'sir' when I worked as a cashier! That was embarrassing, but the point is, the word 'sexy' was foreign to me. In my fifties, as a divorced woman back in the dating scene, men began to call me sexy. It took a while to get used to it, but I soon learned to embrace my femininity.

I began wearing form-fitting sexier outfits, like the see-through black lace top under the black sleeveless dress I recently wore to a wedding. I increased my sexiness even more by taking on a difficult DIY project. Allow me to explain.

Many years ago, I walked into an antique shop and immediately fell in love with a lamp with a copper teakettle base. In those days, before I became a dating coach, I made my living as an artist and painted pretty much anything that didn’t move.

So, I painted the wooden base and neck with my signature swirls and stripes of pinks, blues, and purples. I made a teapot stencil for the lampshade, glued the tassel fringe to the bottom and the braided trim to the top. That teakettle lamp became the center of attention in my living room. It was certainly one-of-a kind.

Then the cord began to fray. It sparked when I plugged it in, and I was afraid it would start a fire. So, the lamp became merely a piece of furniture, sitting unplugged and gathering dust for a year or so.


My divorced single mom DIY friend, ‘Susie’, called to tell me that she had purchased two beautiful milk glass lamps on EBay that needed rewiring. She found a YouTube video featuring a woman rewiring a lamp.

“Do you want to rewire with me?” she asked. It had never occurred to me to rewire the lamp myself. I was planning on bringing it to a specialist, and I had no idea what it would cost. It took about a second for me to agree to the rewiring project. I am usually up for a challenge.

That Sunday, Susie and I followed the YouTube video instructions and rewired our lamps. It only took about a half hour. I was scared to plug it in, but what a feeling of accomplishment when the bulb lit up and I didn’t electrocute myself! I went home excited, adrenaline pumping. I am woman, hear me roar!

When you do something challenging, it builds confidence. After I rewired that lamp, I felt like I could conquer just about anything. I get a particular thrill from mastering typical ‘male-oriented’ tasks, such as driving a stick shift and operating power tools well.

The number one sexiest quality in a person is self-confidence. 

So, get your sexy on, and take on a new challenge today. What difficult task are you avoiding? It helps to break it down into small steps. A You Tube video is a great tool for learning a new skill. 

Please leave a comment about your biggest challenge and how you overcame it. You go, girl!

For a copy of my FREE report, “The Top Three Mistakes Midlife Daters Make (and how to turn them around to find love now)” please click here

Please ‘like’ my Facebook page for posts on dating and relationships & links to my weekly radio show.

Find out more about the Last First Date Inner Circle! Monthly topic-based Q & A calls about dating over 40, a private forum for women to connect and share their experiences and much more, all at a ridiculously low price. Check it out here.


photo credit: -2 via photopin (license)

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