Divorce and Friends: What They Knew And Didn't Say
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By CC Johnson, Featured DM Blogger - June 20, 2014

When my husband first announced that he was moving out, I was completely taken by surprise!

He had mentioned months earlier that he had been unhappy (I had been miserable for years, but always the optimist I was hoping things would turn around).

It was only after he had already moved out that I learned a few good friends had already known this was going to happen. Not that we were best friends or hung out together all of the time (my husband never allowed us to have friendships like that), but they knew anyway and did nothing to warn me so I could be better prepared for what was about to happen to me. I say happened to me because I was never allowed to have any part in any decision making at any time during our long marriage.

The information began coming to me slowly, not that these friends were telling me, but I was collecting little bits of information slowly. Like putting together a jigsaw puzzle where all of the pieces are the same color, my puzzle was beginning to slowly come together.

The first mutual friend had known since around the time he had told me he was unhappy. He told the friend not to say anything, and being a good friend, she didn’t. It wasn’t until after he had moved out and I met the friend for coffee that I was told that she had seen them together.

Well that confirmed my suspicions, which up until then were just that: suspicions.

The second mutual friend had known something was wrong, but she couldn’t really put her finger on exactly what was going on. She hadn’t seen them together but saw things that made her wonder what was up. She even mentioned to someone else (another friend) that she thought what was happening wasn’t right.  Of course no one let me in on what was occurring so I had no way to intervene and stop or at least slow down what was to become my new future.

The third mutual friend actually attended an event where my husband had invited a few business associates. The new object of my husband’s affections actually asked this friend if she thought my husband would ever divorce me. Still I was never told about this, the most direct sign that things were not going my way.

I don’t understand how these people could not have at least hinted at what they knew or had seen. They could have asked me leading questions like, “So, do you know where your husband is?” Or, “Have you seen your husband lately?” I take hints really well, (even really small, innocuous ones) they didn’t have to tell me, I could have guessed. I already had a feeling something was about to change.

Why are people always so afraid to tell someone something they may already know? If just one of those friends had just said something, anything, I would have been more prepared for what was about to happen. I would have been able to better prepare myself financially, legally and emotionally.

Then after the surprise announcement that I was going to be single again (with kids this time) there was the barren wasteland of being a woman on the brink of divorce. It seems to send everyone into hiding. Like it was the plague and I was contagious. They always say they will call and then no phone calls or emails, everyone is so busy living their married lives.

On the flip side I don’t know why I should have expected friends to be more honest with me than my husband had been. After all, his dishonesty led to all of this in the first place and we had been together everyday for decades. They were friends with lives and problems of their own.

I do have a great, married friend, it seems her family has adopted me and she always checks up on me. It’s good to know there is a friend out there, someone who cares, and I think she would have told me if she had known.

I know that I would tell.

 
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