Divorce Coaches: What Are They And How Can They Help?

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By Michele Attias, Guest Author - February 04, 2015 - Updated July 05, 2016

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Before navigating the unfamiliar and rough terrain of divorce, arm yourself with good friends, a good lawyer and a divorce coach.

We all know what good friends do and the role of the lawyer has been well documented, but what about the divorce coach? What is their purpose and how will it impact the divorce process? In essence, is the enrollment of a divorce coach a luxury or a requirement?

To clarify the role of the divorce coach, they are problem solvers and their main purpose will be to help couples settle amicably without going to court, this is achieved through their training which is to specifically handle the psychological aspects of the divorce process. They are there to deal with the emotional issues that can arise and to support you in making the process as painless as possible. A good divorce coach will negotiate between the couple, provide counselling and emotional support.

If you are:

  • Newly separated or divorced and wondering what the next step is
  • Used to being part of a couple and find it difficult to adjust to being single again
  • Lacking confidence and self esteem
  • Finding negative or bitter feelings are holding you back
  • Are ready to move on but not sure where to start

The Divorce Coach will be a valuable resource to get you through the following:

  • Feelings of uncertainty
  • Feelings of insecurity
  • Confusion 
  • Resentment
  • Anger towards the other spouse
  • Parenting issues

It is important to note that when you are feeling the above, decisions take a different turn. We all know what the benefit of perspective and insight can have on any moment. When you are going through divorce however this insight tends to dissolve and most decisions are made out of anxiety, anger and insecurity. This is why you need another person who is level headed, neutral and can guide you towards damage limitation. This can have quite a big impact on the cost of lawyers fees, as we all know at the spur of the moment or in a moment of anger we can be instructing lawyers to carry ahead a barrage of requests that take years to undo.

I have been a therapist and coach for a number of years. Therefore, I can speak from a professional viewpoint but also from a personal one as I have also been though divorce.  I cannot recommend this process highly enough as I believe that a focused, level headed person alongside you can be invaluable whilst your life is spinning out of control. It provides your grounding, your stability and your centre point and helps you move forward at a time when you feel like retreating back. A divorce coach supports you through the transition and beyond.

In addition to this, coaching is an interactive experience that empowers you to wake up to your own strategies. Therefore, it is important that you find the right divorce coach for your personal needs as this makes a huge difference. This should include listening, attending and empathising with your needs, but challenging when need be from a caring place.

When looking for a good divorce coach, be aware that this needs to be a good match for you. Therefore, make sure the divorce coach is:

  1. Supporting you to discover your strengths
  2. Helping you gain control of your life
  3. Supporting you in redefining your personal divorce experience
  4. Empowering you to chose your response, not as a victim but as a strong woman
  5. Excersizing responsibility and growth in your divorce journey
  6. Focusing on achieving the outcomes that you want
  7. Helping you to gain fresh insights over your old and rehashed responses to difficulties
  8. Supporting you in your parenting

The main factor is that the coach works for your benefit and more importantly that you feel better, stronger and more empowered as a result of it. There can be incredible amount of damage limitation in hiring a divorce coach who can work alongside you, encouraging you to make decisions in a focused way and reminding you of what is really important long term, your sanity, your wellbeing and your road to recovering from the effects of divorce.

What do you need to navigate the divorce process?

photo credit: via photopin (license)

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