I Would Rather Die Than Live In a Lie

Woman Green Grass.jpg 

 

The divorced mom

The damaged woman

So say some without a clue

But some have no unearthly knowledge of what trials she went through

 

The divorced mom, a starch defender

Of the child in her heart

Even when her own was squelched and soured

Bitter to a tart

 

The divorced mom, she walks

Perhaps punch drunk

Was I that much a fool?

Fifteen years of "working late"

For fourteen years I kept my cool

 

The divorced mom made a decision

I am tired of the pain

A bruised left cheek was temporary

While a swollen heart remained

 

But I will not remain enslaved

And I will not remain a tree

I’ve uprooted, searching for the grass

As lush as it is green

 

It may take time but I will wear that watch

While bright paths take my hand

There’s more than 20,000 miles on Earth

This vast and sundry land

 

My eyes are open, chest is lighter

Gone are days of burdens worn

My daughter sees my eyes and the glow, she’s known

Since the moment she was born

 

This divorced mom, no longer sullen

From the weeds that squeezed me so

So now I grow like fifty thousand lilies

Beautiful in rows

  

This divorced mom, a vibrant woman

With a kiss that blinds three mice

I am Cinderella when godmother

Let her roll the dice

 

Things came up roses, no more poses

For a man that has a hunch

That I am someone he can mold into

A maid that makes his lunch

 

So thank you godmother and family

Thank you all my closest friends

Thank you, son who thought to hug me tight

When I was at wits end

 

But more than anyone, I thank my thoughts

For thinking of a day

When I could see myself in color

Instead of living dreary gray

 

This divorced mom has building fires

In the body she embodies

Piercing eyes and full pillow lips

To share with new somebodies

 

This divorced mom has words for those

That judge for how I have traveled

Know my past and know my soul

And put away your gavel

 

Words are weapons for the weak

Who can’t chart their own course

I walk with purpose, kids in tow

And glad that I’m divorced

 

I decided to write this after overhearing a conversation two friends were having about another friend of theirs that is going through a divorce. Of course, "friends" is an interesting phrase to use since neither of the two people acted like friends should act. They were neither understanding nor supportive. Instead, they were criticizing her decision to get a divorce and making fun of the person she would become once the divorce was final. It blew me away, especially since one of them received a text from the "friend" and for a brief moment decided to be nice and supportive.

We do not know what people go through, and we certainly do now know where their head and their heart is. If love is the bees knees and the wings, we should want nothing more than for people to fly, to be in a marriage where they feel supported, desired, and loved. And while divorce is becoming less of a stigma, there are still those that choose to treat it like a disease without any cure and the people who have it like dying contagious patients. 

To which I say:

I would rather die alone than live in a lie.

I would rather be contagious with courage than miserable with fear.

Good night and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty or less than for doing something that made you feel again!

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