“Make your life a mission – not an intermission”
I am thrilled to be invited to write for DivorcedMoms.com. What a great site! It takes a village, and those of us thinking about divorce, in the midst of divorce, healing from divorce, or thrilled to have survived divorce can (and should!) provide that sense of community to one another to add encouragement, inspiration, resources and advice.
Like most women, I never (ever!) intended to become a part of this “community,” but life evolved differently than I had planned. After 17 years of marriage (and two amazing kids), I found myself the cliché 40 year-old-single-mom-divorcee. Less than two weeks into being blind-sided by this nightmare, I recall telling a dear friend that I would not go through this horrible situation and not turn it around to help other people going through the same thing in the future. I had no idea what that would look like.
About a year later, that mystery became clear. During that intervening year, I found I was fielding all sorts of phone calls from women going through divorce who were looking for advice. I joked that this was becoming my mission – helping women to successfully navigate through the rough waters of divorce. It took another turn when I was sitting in bed in my hotel room in California where I was attending a conference. I had just had yet another conversation with a woman in the lobby about her experience with divorce. This happened to me all the time, and I found that the conversations I had with people had certain similarities in terms of what we discussed.
This woman was a writer and she encouraged me to put some thoughts on paper. That night … and into the early hours of the morning … I typed and typed. Before I knew it, I had 23 chapters outlined focusing on many of the most common questions that I heard as it relates to divorce – things like, “How do I know if my husband is having an affair? How do I figure out our finances? How do I tell my kids? How do I find an attorney? How do I begin to date again? How am I going to get through this?”
The finished product became my first book, The High Road has Less Traffic: honest advice on the path through love and divorce.” It’s part biography/part self-help book, and it was written from my heart to be that girlfriend who helps you get through divorce – the good, the bad and the ugly. It’s raw, it’s open. It’s funny in places (because I firmly believe if you don’t find some things to laugh about while going through your divorce, then you can have too many tears!).
Who am I to write about divorce and relationships? I’m not a divorce attorney. I’m not a marriage counselor. My expertise lies in my experience. I was married. I was divorced. I have two kids. I remarried. I can speak to step-parenting, co-parenting, dating, getting it “right” the second time, and on and on!
I now write for several different sites and focus on marriage, divorce, parenting, and relationships in general. I was thrilled to be invited to be on NBC’s The Today Show talking about divorce. No expert advice. Just perspective. My perspective … which hopefully inspires a bit, motivates a bit, encourages a lot, and makes you think!
My second book, The High Road Has Less Traffic … and a Much Better View, will be published in Summer 2013! This collection of essays is designed to provide perspectives and thought-starters in all areas related to relationships.
I never had a plan, but love the plan that has unfolded for me. This “mission” keeps presenting itself and won’t let go. I don’t intend to allow it to become an “intermission,” and writing for DivorcedMoms.com is yet another example of where this road is taking me! I relish it … and look forward to sharing my perspectives from the journey along the high road.
Let me know what you think! I love hearing from you!