My Relationship With Divorce And How My Divorce Inspires Me

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By Stacey Freeman, Featured Columnist - November 17, 2014

It was a helluva ride.

I have always wanted to say that! Today I actually feel as though I can, but this time own it. Of course, it goes without saying, there was no ride at all. Instead, in its place, a professional opportunity that was a sweet reward for nearly one year (almost to the day) of hard work that has felt like anything but.

get-attachment.aspx.jpgThe day I first set my thoughts on paper was a difficult one. Having had already been deceived by the man I trusted most in the world, my husband, I had still credited myself with being able to trust in the strangers I met as I searched for that special someone with whom I could wholeheartedly share my life.

So when I discovered the person I had recently begun dating misrepresented himself to me, the story I had within me was finally woken.

How can that be, you may wonder, since such a story could not have existed before that specific experience occurred?

The answer is simple. Though the first article I penned for my blog had everything to do with divorce and adultery, at its essence it had nothing to do with either. Nor did the posts that followed as I poured out my heart, sometimes into the wee hours of the morning with tears running down my face.

Instead, those writings had everything to do with me, with finding out who I am, and with what I want to do with rest of MY life. The vehicles through which I told, and continue to tell, my story – divorce, infidelity, single parenting, and dating – are each aspects of my life, ones that influence me, but today in no way define me.

That was not always the case.

Last week I was invited to The Meredith Vieira Show to publicly weigh in on a topic that has been near and dear to me, and one in which I emphatically believe – that divorce inspires.

What it inspires, well, that is as individual to a person as a fingerprint.

Each and every one of us has a unique relationship with our divorce. That may sound like an odd way to conceptualize a marriage’s end, almost as if divorce is a spirited being with whom we can form a relationship. In fact, I argue we can and do.

Too often we spend so much time focusing on how our interpersonal relationships have been and continue to be affected by our divorce – the ones that are ending, the ones that are beginning, and the ones that are continuing to evolve for better or for worse – that we forget it is our perception of divorce that actually informs the relationships we have.

To date, my relationship with divorce has been almost entirely fear-based. What will become of me? Will I be alone? Who will love me?

It therefore seemed only fitting that I confronted my longtime fear of public speaking through the divorce that originally created in me so much worry about my future.

Today I am a living, breathing example of how divorce can lift us to new heights, helping us realize those dreams we tabled in the past to make our present not only the one we want but, more importantly, the one we deserve.

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