Never Stay In A Relationship For Fear Of Being Lonely
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By Helen Hignett, Featured DM Blogger - March 11, 2016

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Take the time allow yourself to make the right decisions in the early stages and don’t let loneliness become the reason you begin or stay in your relationships.

When I first asked my husband to leave after over nine years together, I was so incredibly lonely. And even though he was abusive, it was still some form of company to me. Because I was so lonely for so long I kept asking him back into my life and having sex with him, which is ironic because we didn't have sex for the last twelve or so months of our marriage. I was so lonely that I just wanted some form of companionship in my life, yet I would be on the phone afterwards crying to my friend that I didn't even get any enjoyment from it. 

What was I doing?!?!

When it was finally over and I filed for divorce, not only did I lose my husband, I lost our little family unit of three, that I had fought so hard to keep, I lost the in-law family unit too, however, dysfunctional and at times unpleasant and intolerable, it was still a cluster of family that I lost. I lost nearly every set of friends in the area where we lived because they were initially his friends, and the reality is people do take sides, so it was just me, my three-year-old daughter and our dog George. I had never felt so lonely in my life.

I cried day after day and wanted my husband back, not because I loved him,  but because I realised I only wanted him back for the sake of not being alone and I didn't want to feel this isolated and lonely anymore.

Relationships Of Convenience Never Work!

Some people bounce from relationship to relationship, either old ones or new ones, for fear of loneliness and sometimes once back together with an ex or in a new relationship they realise that it's a huge mistake and that it's just a relationship of convenience for the sake of not being alone and doing so can cause problems further down the road. I had already had too much heartbreak and didn't want to continue in a relationship this way. I had to break free and build a new life; a life free from my ex which was easier said than done. 

I was lucky enough to have our dog, George, when my daughter was in her bed, and although it's not necessarily human company, it's a companionship like no other; we would cuddle on the sofa, he would lick my tears when I cried and he would always greet me with a wagging tale and  with such excitement that it was always hard for me not to smile. 

I slowly made new friends, friends that I could call my own, and I gradually felt free from the feeling of isolation and loneliness. 

I'm further down the line now and so much stronger. Whilst it's not much fun being alone, I've realised being with someone who hurts you emotionally or physically, someone who doesn't fulfil the requirements you need and would want from a relationship, or even someone you can barely tolerate or stand until someone better comes along is not the answer.

Realising what you truly want from a relationship can help you take the time to find the right lifelong partner to live out a happy and healthy relationship with, and if you decide to commit, settle down get married and have children, it can be very difficult to get out of the relationship if things don't go according to plan.

I remember times when we would be sitting on the sofa, eating some takeout and watching a movie on opposite ends of the sofa, with our daughter upstairs asleep, and I felt so lonely; there was no intimacy, no real conversation; we were like two strangers living in the same home. I was petrified to leave because I didn't want to be on my own and I didn't want to be a single parent. There were so many reasons for not leaving that seemed to mostly be about being on my own.

A number of months after I filed for divorce, I was in my new home one night watching a movie by myself and I was feeling content. My daughter was tucked in safely in bed but then I realised that I was lonelier in my marriage than I ever could be on my own. I didn't know there could be all these different feelings of loneliness.

Take the time allow yourself to make the right decisions in the early stages and don’t let loneliness become the reason you begin or stay in your relationships. Don't get me wrong, there are times when I am lonely and would love to be in a relationship; I miss intimacy, I miss laughing with someone and feeling secure and loved but I know given time, and taking the time to make sure I find the right person, I will have all that and more in the end. 

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