Self-Reflection: How To Become Unstuck From Divorce Pain

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By She Found A Way, Guest Author - December 11, 2015

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Are Your Beliefs Keeping You Stuck?

Are you prepared to face the truth about why you can't move past your separation or divorce?

Shortly after my separation, I knew it was time to face the toxic truth about why I had ended up here. I couldn’t put it off any longer. I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize the person looking back at me.

I knew one thing for sure, that how I was feeling each day was no longer bearable. All the toxic emotions of the past began to surface and it was time to deal with the truth, not only for my sake but for my kids' sake as well.

Prior to my separation, I had an idyllic view about family life and what sort of mum I wanted to be. I guess we all do. I was no longer living up to image in my head, so something had to change. As an expert in change management and spending years in the corporate arena coaching others on change, I knew that process needed to begin with me.

So, I stopped making excuses and got on with owning my life 100% and started asking myself the bigger questions about "why" and listened for the honest answers.

I spent the next six months after my separation delving into my thought patterns, beliefs and stories that I kept telling myself. I wanted to know why life wasn’t stacking up to what I thought I deserved. I let go of blame and used the strong emotions I felt at the time to be honest with myself.

How many of you would be willing to do that same? I get, it’s much easier to blame others and stay stuck in life. Deep down, you believe that’s all you're capable of and all you're worth. If you're willing to go deeper, then I have some big questions you can start asking yourself. This will help you uncover your own truth bombs.

Self-Enquiry is the place to start getting unstuck in life, so brace yourself. I recommend you find some quiet time, have a pen and paper on hand and as you ask yourself each question, close your eyes and wait for the answer. This exercise is just for you, so let go of any judgments that may surface.

You're safe and in control, so no holding back. The truth will set you free. Oh, and for those sitting on the fence with this, don’t be an observer of your life, own the damn thing. That’s when true change happens.

Here’s a list of questions to start with:

  1. Where in your life are you not being honest with yourself?
  2. If you were being honest with yourself, without the influence of family, friends, ex-partners, beliefs and expectations, what would life feel like to you? What would you be doing differently?
  3. What’s one big thing you have been avoiding that you’re ready to face up to?
  4. What current situations or relationships are not in alignment with your highest truth? What changes do you need to make to honour that?
  5. What inner truths are you scared to voice to yourself? What’s the drawback from not expressing them?
  6. What challenging conversation do you need to have with someone that you have been putting off?
  7. In what areas of your life do you need to take some brave action in order to be true to you? What's one step you could take in that direction?

Now place your hand on your heart and say, “Taking full responsibility, I accept the truth that comes up for me.”

Complete these sentences:

  1. I am ready to face the truth about ……….
  2. When truth resonates within me I feel ……..
  3. It’s safe for me to express myself honestly because ………

I congratulate you for making one small change towards healing today.

 

More from DivorcedMoms.

For information about divorce in your state, visit Divorce Magazine

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