The Trouble With Love: Theory 1- Humans
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By C. Phillips, Featured Columnist - July 07, 2014

Love, Love, Love… such a powerful word and concept. Every song ever written is about it, every action you take is in pursuit of it, every living creature is a manifestation of it, every inanimate object is a reflection of it… so why, then, do we insist on making such a big scary deal out of the L word?

Why does it end so often in heartbreak and sad songs and crazy behavior that is otherwise inexplicable?

Because we are humans.

Love just is. It does not require a definition or a story or a history. Love just is. Love ceases to be Love as soon as we decide we want it to mean something else. As soon as we define it in our own way, it ceases to exist. What a terrible problem we bring upon ourselves! Instead of just experiencing and flowing it, we try to analyze it, judge it, define it and amortize it. Psh. Humans…

This theory first started formulating and becoming real for me on the day of my first wedding anniversary post “shit just hit the fan.” I sat down to just write out some emotions I was battling with and ended up talking myself into a theory on Love. I immediately drove to the nearest Italian ice store to let this sink in with some mango margarita flavored ice thing.

Higher Self: “This is much better than being in Mexico celebrating your 5 year wedding anniversary with your husband.”

Emotional Raging Self: “Bullshit. This doesn’t even taste like a margarita and there is no tequila in it. By the way… WE LOVE MEXICO, Higher Self. You can’t fool both of us.”

Higher Self: “You are free. Once you get your head out of your emotional ass, you will realize what ‘better’ actually means… humans…" SMH.

Emotional Raging Self: “Maybe I can add my own tequila to this? Tequila is my definition of 'better' and 'love' actually. I’m not above it.”

Higher self: “You exhaust me, yet I still love you. You’re welcome.”

So, straight from the vault… I present to you my first awakening on the L word.


5 years ago today, I was the most beautiful girl alive. Nervous, writing wedding vows (at the last minute of course) to recite in front of our friends and family. I was expressing to my soon to be husband how I couldn’t describe how lucky I really was and how envious everyone must be of our love.

Looking back it’s a little shocking to see how things played out from that day. Life is…well… Life I guess. There are no guarantees, aside from death. And love - maybe even less guarantees there. People are always saying love is forever, I’ll always love you, etc. As if they have some control over it and what it feels like and means to someone else. Perhaps that is our fault, as humans. Attempting to control such things that are not ours to control. Let me now embark upon my new theory/philosophy.

Love is energy. It is the existence of energy within the world. It is fueled by human emotions and reactions. Kind of like lightning. There is a starting point of energy and it seeks an end point - zig zagging it's way to it. But not a constant tangible thing. If the 2 points change, in chemical makeup, the connection is gone. Perhaps it will strike again, but only if the correct conditions are present.

As humans, I fear we regard love as something more than that energy. We toy with the word, we create unrealistic expectations of it and we blame it for things it is not responsible for. We expect it to mean whatever we have felt of it, to others. Truthfully, humans must all feel love differently, as the energy is connecting to different emotions in each person.

I will put intention into my life and open my heart so that I can experience the love, without the presumptions of the past. I will honor the energy when it is present and relieve it of any expectations, freeing myself to truly be present and experience its gift.

Never again will I assert my own selfish control on love, or profess any commitment to something so powerful that is not my own.

I will allow my body, mind and soul to complete the mourning process of my failed marriage and purge the past expectations and assumptions. I will give myself the proper time to fully come into this understanding, leaving behind the broken, self imposed (and socially imposed) ideals. They are not human and do not belong in this world.

I will accept pain and sorrow as they come. They are necessary emotions to purge the soul of suffering.

Marriage will not fool me again as the validator of love. This ritual is quite ridiculous and controlling and not at all centered around love. Signing a certificate and vowing things you cannot guarantee is not a reflection of love. It does not indicate that you love more or less. The ideal of marriage has brought unnecessary suffering to the world, as we as humans have tried to build emotion and promise into an ancient process of laws and ownership. It cannot live up to some expectations that love is sealed inside.

Yet we mourn fully and dive deeply into depression. When we realize love is lost we blame ourselves, we blame others, we are filled with hatred and other negative feelings. Love has failed us! Down with love! We know nothing of love at this point, but someone or something is to blame.

I will move forward with intention and an open heart. Allowing that energy to conjure at will. I will think less about it and do more living. My life will be lived fully with this understanding and the release of expectations.

I’m ready to start moving forward. I’m ready to understand love. Maybe forgiveness will be next.

Alright, Higher Self, you win.

How lucky am I to have been able to experience my journey and reach this very special place of freedom? So many lovely humans are still holding on to their ideals and suffering through Love, so unnecessarily. “It must mean something. It all must be for a reason and it must be defined, understood, controllable!”

Psh... Humans...  

Love just Is. 

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