Researching what happens before, during, and after a divorce is rife with details and words of advice. Whether those details revolve around something financial or emotional anyone who is familiar with the process also knows that many divorce resources warn about how parental divorce can lead to behavioral issues in children — particularly, behavioral issues surrounding criminality.
For any concerned mother, this idea alone might be enough to keep her from breaking off a potentially abusive, uncaring, and overall toxic relationship.
Divorce is not a metaphorical death sentence for your child’s successful life.
The truth of the matter is, not all children are destined to become criminals just because their parents separated at a young age. While they might briefly struggle in school because of the stress surrounding two households and split weekends, having divorced parents is not a metaphorical death sentence on what could be a successful life.
Take, for example, Emma Watson. Starring from a young age in the wildly popular “Harry Potter” films, Emma has gone on to be a powerful voice in the fight for equality and women’s rights. Over the course of her career, she’s not only won awards for her acting ability, but also for her voice in bettering the lives of people. It’s reported that only after hearing her speak, equally lauded activist for equality Malala Yousafzai decided to take on the title of “feminist.” Emma’s parents divorced when she was only five years old, and, from then on, she lived with her single mother.
Along with Emma Watson, Barack Obama, Angelina Jolie, and even Marilyn Monroe were all raised by single parents, either because of the passing of one or through a divorce. All of these people have at least one thing in common, other than being well known: they’re incredibly successful, and their lives revolve around their families and rewarding careers.
There are benefits to having divorced parents for children.
While the thought may leave you questioning the reason for that statement, it’s simpler than you could imagine. When it comes to deciding on divorce from your spouse, there are likely many reasons, or perhaps only one big one. All of these reasons, big or small, are likely based on actions and behavior from your spouse that not only inconvenience you, but also your children.
Not only do the problems in your marriage affect your children’s lives in the moment, but there is also the chance that, in remaining around such negative behavior, they are more likely to grow up mirroring the same issues in their own adult relationships because of what they saw through their parents.
While divorce is never seen as “ideal,” and all mothers wish for nothing more than to remain happy and content with their spouse for the rest of their lives, the truth is, for many women, it’s just not a reality. This doesn’t mean you can’t leave and find a newer, better reality far from the issues that drove you away in the first place. And not only would you yourself thrive in a newer, healthier environment, but chances are your children would, too.
By removing them from negative stimulus and influences, chances are you’ll be addressing and reversing any bad behaviors before they start — not the other way around like many resources might tell you. It may seem easier for you to remain with your spouse despite being unhappy, and your children may even beg you not to get divorced — but as their mother, who knows their father more than anyone else, it’s up to you to make the decision in their best interest, as well as your own.
People might try and scare you, telling you it’ll tear the family apart, that your children will grow up to be thugs or failures, and you might have to take all of that into consideration — but between the two options, which do you see as more harmful on your children? Staying and being miserable while they learn bad, sometimes even violent behaviors, or removing them and offering a chance at a better, more peaceful life? Lastly, although most children fair well after parental divorce there are those who are deeply impacted. It's your responsibility as a parent to pay close attention to your child's needs in order to make sure he/she is not negatively impacted by divorce.