Was Divorcing Him The Right Decision For Me?
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By Debbi Lewis, Featured Columnist - January 30, 2014

Fotolia_2013202_XS.jpgThere will be days where divorced life sucks! You may feel overwhelmed with all the additional responsibilities that use to be split between yourself and the Ex. You may be feeling lonely and at times sad. Or you may be feeling cash strapped.  And there will be days when you feel like your world is crashing down.

These are times when you may start wondering if you made the right decision divorcing him.

It is natural to wish for the good ol' days when the new days are uncomfortable; but the reality is that you need to continue moving forward in your new life.

You need to remember you didn't end up in front of a judge because your marriage was happy, joyous and free. It is easy to blur or minimize the bad memories of why you divorced when you are overwhelmed with your new life.

The day the divorce papers were signed, my Ex was driving across state lines before the ink was dry to begin a new life. I was blessed to have full custody of our 4 year old daughter; but I had no family living within 1000 miles of me. Working full time with a job that requires travel with no family support is a challenge!

Did I days when I wish I didn't have to deal with juggling single motherhood and professional career … you bet. Did I ever wish that I was still married so I didn't have to deal with situations like try to find a friend to watch my daughter for a few days when I went on a business trip … Never!

The reason why I never wished I had my old life back is because I was committed to moving myself and my daughter forward into a better life. There were strategies I did to keep me focused that I would like to share with you.

Make a list of 20-25 items for which you are grateful for about in your new life. Keep this in your wallet and anytime you're feeling emotional or overwhelmed, pull it out and slowly read it. It will brighten your day and remind you that you are blessed in your new life.  I also included a picture of my daughter.  Seeing that 4 year old's face was enough resolve for me.

Exercise is one of the best strategies of changing negative energy into positive energy. Best is aerobic exercise; but a good weight work-out does have a way of getting the stress kinks out of your neck. Any exercise will lift your spirits; you should incorporate regular exercise into your life.

Night of pampering. Draw yourself a nice bubble bath with candles and soft music. Give yourself a manicure, pedicure or facial. Doing something special for YOU. You are worthy of pampering; so treat yourself accordingly.

Journaling is a good way to get your thoughts out on paper.   I often find that getting things out of my head is beneficial to allow new thoughts to enter in. 

I also found that dinner or lunch with a girlfriend would do wonders for lifting my spirits up.  I would intentionally limit any Ex talk to no more than 2-3 sentences.  This precious time was intended to lift my spirits up; not be a gripe session about him.

Above all else TRUST in Yourself the decision you made to move into a life that you're intended to live.  Once I adjusted to living a divorced life; I found myself thriving in my new life.  Most importantly, my daughter started thriving as well.  Being raised by a mom who is flourishing and loving life is the best gift I can give my daughter.

 

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