Much like a birth, marriage has an official begin date that we document and celebrate. When we divorce, it has an official end date, complete with records to prove that the living, breathing entity into which we poured so many dreams is now deceased.
Many will claim that we mourn our marriages and move on. Many are able to do exactly that.
But what happens when the fallout from divorce is never over? What happens when the legalities persist for years, when the threat of legal action is constantly dogging you, when your ex defies court orders and support agreements – or misbehaves dismissively or maliciously?
What about the emotional upheaval to children who don’t bounce back and the logistical obstacles that even standard divorce-initiated changes place in their paths? What if you don’t bounce back?
What about money matters that never improve, careers that are dented or derailed, health that is compromised by a drawn-out and emotional fight, or lack of funds for medical care following divorce-related financial setbacks?
For some of us, divorce itself doesn’t bring the fairy tale “closure” anymore than marriage brings the fairy tale. On the contrary. This life is something we couldn’t have imagined. This life is something our friends back away from. This life is filled with painful stories, hard-won lessons, ongoing conversations, difficult decisions, and unexpected triumphs that are born of the divorce whirlwind – life through divorce and long after – when the dust never settles.
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Written by D. A. Wolf, a single mother “officially” since 2002, Divorce Whirlwind is a compilation of columns and posts drawing upon personal experience, stories of men and women shared in various online communities, and researched sources.
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D. A. Wolf is a freelance writer, editor, and independent marketing consultant. Her writing has been published in print and around the web. She is the founder of Daily Plate of Crazy ™ , and is a regular contributor to Huffington Post, Purple Clover, Divorced Moms, The Good Men Project and other online venues. Follow her on Twitter at BigLittleWolf, and on Facebook at Divorce Whirlwind.