I create my reality, you create your reality. And, yes, I created my divorce.
I'll give you a moment to let that sink in.
That does not mean that I created The Genius' affair or am in any way responsible for his adultery, or his complete lack of morals. It's not like I said, "Oh, 2nd baby, complete family, house, dog, garden...hmmm...something's missing. I've got it! A mistress!"
But I am responsible for becoming his wife. He was going to cheat no matter who he married. There was a pattern. A pattern I chose to ignore. I sought out The Genius. And with that choice came the consequences.
Two weeks prior to meeting The Genius I was at a work
pep rally meeting where our faithful leader asked us to write down two things of which we were absolutely certain. That's it. That's all the guidance he gave. I wrote down, "I will not marry or procreate." Two weeks later I met The Genius. Ten weeks later we were engaged. So much for certainty, eh? Whether it was then with The Genius or later on with The Whomever, I would have created the very same scenario, of that I am certain.
Why would I create my own divorce, you wonder? Because I have something to learn. Life is school. And my "major" is the journey my soul created to have experiences that lead to lessons that lead to growth. Graduation is death. Every minute that I am on this planet is a key step in that journey. Mr. Jackpot once said, "Every decision that I have ever made has led me to this exact place in time, to right here." By design, I add.
My 'course load' is spread out along my lifeline. Just like grades in school, each course in my journey prepares me for the next big spike of growth. My 'school' years are comprised of the exact 'classes' my soul needs to 'graduate' to the next level. My soul doesn't perceive events in my life as good or bad, but opportunities to learn. Only the Ego decides that something is good or bad.
The Genius' journey is separate from mine. His need to live a morally-inept existence (That's my Ego talking!) is his gig. Why did I gravitate toward that mess? Because I needed someone who was going to cheat on me. In the broader picture, I needed someone who was going to bring me to a point in my journey where I would learn a really big, fat lesson.
But I still have to make sure that lesson is learned. Many go on to make the same mistakes over and over again. At each turn they have the chance to look inward and see why they are creating a reality that doesn't suit them. Looking inward is hard. You have to be willing to take responsibility for your way of being. Do you love yourself? Do you respect yourself? Are you doing things that undermine your purpose here? Do you know your purpose? Do you have boundaries? Do you speak up for yourself? Do you live a proactive life where you're accountable to yourself? Do you do the right thing?
I still have to answer all those questions, although I have an inkling why I created my divorce. Just an inkling, though. I have a long way to go to truly understand what my take-away is here. So I rely on my Guidance Counselors - the Universe-at-Large, God, Guides, Intuition, Breath, my body, my soul - to keep redirecting me back to the only place where I am going to find the answers I need to graduate: inside me.
I want to take full advantage of this opportunity. I'm not looking for pass/fail. I'm looking for Valedictorian. And I want a sash to go along with my tassel. So I'm going to get to work this week practicing the skills I believe I am being asked to master.
You'll be the first to get my progress report.