Kate's 8: Things I Don't Want You To Assume About My Type Of Separation
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March 15, 2015 - Updated July 23, 2015

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1. Don’t assume this type of separation is easy. It’s not. There is a huge emotional component in letting your ego be disappointed and trying to live in the moment. He has a familiar smell, it’s comforting, but it isn’t o.k to sleep with his shirt.

2. Don’t assume this type of separation is hard. It’s not. It’s a built in babysitter, financial provider and someone who knows you better than yourself for coffee every morning. I still use him a sounding board, because he cares about my outcomes.

3. Don’t think you are cool with each other dating. I mean you are cool, and theoretically it makes sense to move on. But. It’s a heart, that still beats. Of course you dating will be easier than watching from the sidelines.

4. Don’t assume if you live with your ex that a new prospective will be down with it. You have to find a super understanding, secure person who can cope. Good Luck.

5. Your parents will get it. They won’t at all. Your mom will, cause she is your mom. But your dad…that’s a tough one, and your in-laws are still mad that you’re vegetarian, and didn’t take their family name.

6. Don’t assume you won’t still fight. Roommates fight. It’s just not dirty, or vindictive anymore. When I want help with the dishes, it’s cause I really need help putting them away, and not that I want to punish him for actually sitting down after he gets home from work.

7. Don’t confuse hugs, and pecks on the cheek as a sign of getting back together. Habits are hard to break, and when you stop and think about it, they are loving gestures for someone you care about. If you get hot and bothered by one, talk openly and honestly. Your heart has habits too, but it will move on.

8. If you want this type of separation, don’t assume your partner would never go for it. I thought that for over a year, and he actually surprised me with accepting it happily.

In the end, kids need their parents to be civil, respectful and caring to another. If it’s a possibility for you and your current spouse, try. It’s  a new way of living but it can work.

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