Huge weekend for me.
Lonely can be the single mom during Father's Day Weekend.
Nope, not me. BFF and I were both moved by my last post, and I continue to move in the direction of finding the life that makes me happy. ( I am even contemplating a tiny diamond nose piercing like this.
Why? Because I can. Because it's pretty and again, because I CAN. I have no one to answer to, and the new me really doesn't care what my ex husband would say. BFF? ( I do care what you think. Be kind ;) and truthful.)
I have hung on to my long hair for so many years. Some perverse idea that it made me more attractive; though suddenly repulsed at the emails I have received from dating sites where men tell me about my hair, which ended up in a pile on the floor yesterday. I am not my hair, nor am I the size of my thighs. I am determined to be ME again; I know she is out there. There have been times that I cut it and donated it, but it seems to grow back in full force like those old Chrissy dolls. I hope someone else remembers those because they were an absolute blast. Well sometimes, I feel like I have that dial in my back that makes my hair grow. I am not tall, but I could stand to lose a few pounds, so I started with my hair.
I woke up with a fright at 2AM as I forgot what I had done, but a quick run to the mirror reminded me of the cleansing nature that this symbolic weekend is supposed to represent for me. I really want to show the before and after, but alas I cannot, so here is what I did:
I was so nice not to wake up in a tangle of hair, and I am kind of happy that I did it with minimal deliberation. I found that picture, saw myself in the portrayal and knew that in order to like myself again, I need to return to the me that I used to like. She was fun, a bit odd, creative, and lived her life as an individual. She was fun. I have scheduled appointments on my calendar to reconnect with her weekly. I would like have her move in and stay with me again. Right now, I have GF who, by the way, would rather stay with me on Father's Day, than go visit ex's family with her BF and the kids?!?!?! Maybe it's working! Maybe I am more fun that I realize! Anyway, she wants to do girl things with me. My daughter sneered at her, so we shall see how this plays out. I was hoping they would all go away for a few hours, so I could read a good mystery, nap on and off, and throw a lobster on the grill for my favorite new company: Me, Myself and I.
So, while the nose piercing is not happing this weekend, or maybe it will, the listing of the white elephant, also known as this budget ruining, child support sucking, residence that I "earned" through a long term marriage is being listed for sale. Think Mr Blandings Builds his Dream House, with no Mr. Blandings. Who need Mr. Blandings? I am determined to show myself that I certainly don't.
So, wish me and my as yet un-pierced nose and new hair cut luck today. This house has to go. Not only can I not afford to maintain it, but it is a lovely house that is deserving of a lovely family to give it the care it needs. We are not that family. We are small, somewhat broken, and working on repair.
I am scaling down, though not as much as my new TV obsession, Tiny House Hunters, though there is something almost orgasmic about being debt and mortgage free. Again, that word free. Free of debt, free of uncaring people in my life, free of uncaring men, free of heavy, binding piles of hair and hopefully free of some kids for tomorrow ( GF included). Free, just free, derivative of freedom, is a lovely word.
There is a lobster, some garlic bread and a bottle of wine calling me.
Hello Virginia? Coming.... I will be there with bells on.