Did You Get Engaged for the Marriage or the Wedding?
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February 25, 2014

I don't know if other divorced women are like me but, I just can't get excited if anyone tells me they're getting married any more.  It's not because I'm cynical, it's well... I don't know maybe because I am cynical.

Yes, one reason is because of the divorce rate.  Most of the time when I hear someone is getting married I think to myself "Ok, see ya' in divorce court in a few years".  Isn't that terrible?  Yea, but unfortunately it's true.  

Then it's how every girl in the world acts like she's the only one to ever get married in the world.  Bitch please, you and 2.23 million other broads are gettin' married each year in the U.S. and you'll all have on the same strapless gown with the same corny DJ and a dried out chicken breast dinner and you'll do the Cha Cha Slide and you'll have some choreographed Father/Daughter dance and you'll think you had the most fun, beautiful, original wedding ever.  

And then somebody somewhere put it in somebody's head that a girl's wedding should be a dream come true and "her day" and the best day of her life and a fairytale come to life.  When did all this shit start?  I remember being a little girl in the 60's and 70's dreaming about my wedding with other little girls.  I don't remember dreaming about it being so elaborate.  I just remember we wanted a pretty dress and a boy that would treat us like a princess.  It was mostly about the romance, not the six tier cake made to look like a water slide.

Weddings are a God damn broadway production now.  A freakin' Cecil B. DeMille spectacle!  Thanks to some dumbass shows like "Four Weddings" and "Say Yes to the Dress" and "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding", weddings aren't about marriage anymore.  

What's worse?  The damn proposals.  Videos all over the internet of skydiving and marching bands and orchestras in stadiums (Thanks Kanye, dick) make the proposal about the event and not the love.  And then that has spawned the devil child known as "Promposals".  These teenage girls expect boys to ask them in to prom in some grand and glorious proposal akin to a marriage proposal.  This makes me sick to my stomach as I have two teenage daughters who are now obsessed with looking at pics and vids of promposals on Instagram and Twitter. (Facebook is now out of vogue with the teen set)  So I'm trying to teach them not to expect this as the norm and to not be crushed if it doesn't happen.

I had a moderate wedding back in 1991.  A Catholic church wedding, dress with train and veil, tuxedos, reception at banquet facility, student photographer, friend DJ, minimal flowers, cake made by banquet facility.  Tasteful yet low key.

 me and dad my wedding.jpg

 That's me and my Daddy who passed away last year at the age of 89, God bless him.

Would have been a nice day had my groom not gotten snot-hanging drunk and danced with every girl in the place but me (mostly old college girl friends) and then got belligerent and started smashing glasses in the men's room.  Then later he was so drunk and such a jerk that we didn't even have the traditional "wedding night", if you know what I mean.  Back then I attributed it to just him being 25 years old and being reunited with all his fraternity brothers.  Now I see he was a raging alcoholic in training with mental health issues.

So yea, my "dream day" was ruined, not because I didn't have the bling and the flowers and the cake but because I didn't have the romance.  I desperately wanted a man to look in my eyes and say "You are everything I ever wanted, I m so proud to call you my wife now".  It didn't.  Instead I got a man who tried to slurringly stick his hand up my wedding gown in the limo.  Yes, he and his groomsmen had a few shots before the wedding.

I'm not bitter, I'm just... cautious.  Of course I want these kids to be happy.  I want marriages to succeed, it's hard when I see what expectations girls put themselves through these days, instead of focusing on the love.  I had a shitty day and a mostly shitty marriage, but I got three phenomenal kids out of it.  I don't feel jilted though.  I don't feel like I want another wedding someday to make up for my crappy one... oh wait maybe I do.  Not the spectacle of the wedding, but I want the groom who has love in his eyes, only for me... and if that takes place at town hall, I don't really care.  So don't be upset if I don't jump for joy at your engagement... I'm just... thinking.

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