Look at me. Look at you looking at me. Look at me looking at you, looking at me. Don't you dig it? I know I do!
Hi, my name is Joe Somebody, and I have an excessive and erotic interest in myself and my physical appearance. This makes me a narcissist. (In a Joey Tribbiani voice) How you doin'? You may be just my type. Let me just ask you a few questions and we'll see if we can get this thang going!
Question 1: Are you a giver? Do you tend to spoil your partner rotten? Do you flood him with attention and consistently validate his already high opinion of himself with praise and blushing innuendo? Will I always know that you care about me above all other things including water and air? If this is you, you may be just my type.
Question 2: Are you insecure? Would I be able to see your insecurities from a mile away? Do those same insecurities lead you to question your own validity and self-worth and, better yet, lead you to divert your attention to me? Are you so insecure that you will tolerate my jerk moves and arrogant persona out of fear that I'm as good as it gets? If this is you, you may be just my type.
Question 3: Are you the agreeable type? Do you give in or get worn down easy? Am I sure to win any argument that we get into due to your non-confrontational nature? If this is you, you may just be my type.
Question 4: Are you an attractive person with artificial confidence? Will you make me proud to walk into a room with you, without me secretly worrying that you will outshine me? Do you care enough about your appearance and other superficial things that I will never be embarrassed being around you? If this is you, you may just be my type.
Yep, these are the qualities I am most attracted to in women. Do you fit the bill? I sure hope so. I'd really love to take you to the Narcissist Ball where we will surely bump into some pretty famous people like Donald Trump, Kanye West, Paris Hilton, Margaret Thatcher, Simon Cowell, and William Shatner.
That was a made-up Match.com profile for Joe Somebody, a self-indulgent douche with more hair brushes than a Vidal Sassoon salon. The questions Joe raised in his profile are indicative of the types of women he and other narcissistic men are attracted to. Of course, they would never be that open about it. In fact, behind every narcissist man is a wall of insecurity and closed emotions. Narcissistic men fear any person or situation that may bring their less evolved self to the forefront. As well, they strive for perfection in themselves while fearing that others may outshine them. Going back to Donald Trump and Kanye West, these are both narcissistic men that want to appear confident. As we all know, however, truly confident people don't have to advertise their credible and desirable traits. They simply live life as they are and the rest falls in place. This is true confidence. True confidence and narcissism do not go hand-in-hand.
Let's say we end this with a couple of jokes.
What do you call a narcissist who's looking at himself in the mirror? It doesn't matter, he won't hear you.
What do you get when you put a narcissist in a room full of clones? A man that is full of himself.
Why did the narcissist cross the road? He didn't. He was wearing new shoes and didn't want to ruin them.
Had enough? Good, I was running out of ideas for terrible jokes. Until next time my friends.