I haven't been blogging as often and I apologize. I'm finding it hard to get my actual work done and meet my deadlines with my new husband here all of the time. He is a distraction to say the least. He works from home and, I've found over the past 2 months, he cannot keep his ass in his seat for more than a few minutes at the time. He gets up and putters and paces and spreads his Pollyanna joy all over the house.
He's like this
But hot and very distracting.
I, on the other hand, realize that I was used to a lot of time alone. I'm hormonal, I'm irritable, I'm hot (in the hot flash way), I'm stressed about not meeting my deadlines, I'm stressed about my kids switching and the emotional terrorist's, aka Merlot's, adjustment to this weekly switch thing. I'm just irritable sometimes.
Before, I could blame my irritability on my stress from a stupid long distance relationship, single parenting, money, the Beer Monkey...
Now I'm having to face the fact that I just might, in fact, be an irritable crank by nature.
I am not alone in this now. Al is a wonderful partner and I am probably the slacker at this point. He keeps on top of stuff, doesn't judge me, is helpful. Not just helpful, super helpful. All of this help is making me realize just how much time I spent alone. If not physically alone, emotionally alone. I'm not used to having someone in my head or sharing my problems all the time. Being with Stanley was like being alone. We didn't talk much during the day. He wasn't curious about where I was. Now, there is someone that always wants to know where I am and what I'm doing. I'm not used to it.
In addition to having a whole lot of physical and emotional space when I was married, then there is the fact that I was divorced for 4 years. I had 50% of my actual time, alone. I didn't have to answer to anyone about where I was because nobody cared. No one else was involved in my financial decisions, good or bad. Like those pedicures I used to sneak off for. Now I'm like feeling guilty about them. Not because Al would ever mind, but because I feel guilty using our income on my toes.
Al has really done without and sacrificed personally throughout the time he was divorced. He doesn't spend money on himself. Which is the opposite of Stanley who has an expensive hobby. I never felt guilty about my $30 pedicure every month because Stanley spent so much more than that on himself.
Poor, poor Al.
He took on a lot when he took on me. In addition to chronically irritable, over the past month, we have gotten a new roof (the other one was a leaky, old, shit), had to shell out on a bee keeper because we had 50 thousand bees living in the siding of the house, plus my toothache ended up to be 2 cracked teeth that needed 2 crowns (from grinding, thanks divorce). We had a horrific storm last week that knocked our power out for 2.5 days and we lost everything in the refrigerator. The A/C keeps going off and, although he has been able to get it back on, the writing is on the wall and that bitch is just about to croak... taking me on has proved to be expensive.
We are doing great, he is my heart and best friend, but it is an adjustment.
Ya'll might need to send him prayers. He married an irritable crank.