Your post-divorce BFF is an asset, one that should be treasured and cherished.
“A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.” William Shakespeare
When you are going through your divorce, it feels like you are crawling in a never-ending dark tunnel and many days you are a flurry of emotions and angst. With the divorce, you may lose not-so-close and sometimes close friends for a variety of reasons and this can only make the process more depressing. One of the many positive things that happen during this not so sunny time is the emergence of a post-divorce BFF.
This may be an old friendship that deepens or a new friendship that blossoms during your divorce. As the saying goes, there are friends for a season, friends for a reason and friends for a lifetime and this post-divorce BFF may enter your life before or after a divorce but they end up being friend a lifetime friend. Regardless of the longevity of this relationship, it quickly becomes a deep and fulfilling one that is steady and constant during this often fractious time in your life.
This person, usually a girlfriend (or could be a guy friend for some) is there for you and helps you and your children in many ways during this difficult time. They bring something that is uniquely different from what your family can offer and they are absolutely vital for your well-being. I have amazing parents and siblings who have been my rocks and support system, but a BFF has a special place in every woman’s life in the post-divorce life.
Below are the 10 characteristics of the best post-divorce BFF.
I should know because I have had one for the last 12 years.
1. They understand your moods may change often and sometimes all in one day.
Let’s face it, in the early weeks, months, even years of your divorce, you are a basket of nerves and emotions and can be quite unpredictable. Your BFF understands this and is flexible and adaptable. She doesn’t take things personally if you suddenly cancel the fabulous girls-night-out to stay indoors to eat ice-cream and cry.
2. They let you moan and groan when you want.
There are days when all you want to do is slide into self-pity alley and wallow and grumble to your heart’s content. Your BFF allows you to do this, listens and sighs appropriately, allows you to curse or cry and firmly guides you back to the light. While they allow you to wallow, they set limits and don’t allow you to sit in the dark hole too long.
3. They party with you when you need to party.
When you are ready to partying or having fun, your BFF is right there with you. She makes plans for you or with you and is there to boost your confidence and remind you of how fabulous you are. They are there to be your wing gal at the club or set up your dating profile when you are ready. It’s easy to lose your confidence or mojo during a divorce but your BFF helps you find it and rock the awesome you.
4. They show they care by their actions.
Your BFF knows that talk is cheap and that action speaks louder than words. They volunteer with you, learn new skills with you or enroll in dance classes with you. Whether it is volunteering to watch your children so you can have a spa day or help you run errands or planning a trip with you on the anniversary of your divorce, your BFF is there in words of affirmation and action.
5. They keep your secrets secret.
We all need someone to complain to and vent with. You want to avoid bad-mouthing your ex in public or in front of the children and you don’t want the whole world to know about your dating life, your insecurities. There are things you are hesitant to tell even your closest family members and your BFF values and appreciates that you trust them. Your BFF is someone you trust with your secrets because they will never betray your confidence.
6. They celebrate your awesomeness.
You are fabulous and your BFF lets you know it. She celebrates milestones big and small with you and makes your growth post-divorce her mission. She applauds you the day you stop obsessing about your ex, she toasts every achievement at work and celebrates every A your kids get at school. She celebrates the awesome woman you are, the awesome mom you are and how much you have to offer the world. She never lets you forget all you do and who you are.
7. They listen a lot!
Nothing beats a listening ear during this process. Many times you don’t want advice or suggestions. You just want to talk and have someone listen without judging you. Your BFF is ready and willing to listen at any time and knows the difference between when you want advice and when you just want her ear.
8. They let you support them too.
Relationships that work and grow are a 2-way street. Your BFF understands that you may need them more during this process but they acknowledge the fact that you still have a lot to offer. They allow you to give back by being there for them. Your girlfriend may be single, married, divorced, a mom or not but she still has things she needs advice or help on and she allows you to be there for her too.
9. They tell you the truth, the sometimes brutal truth.
The truth can be bitter but if it is offered in love and in your best interest it should be accepted and embraced. Your BFF is there to tell you the truth- gently, kindly but the truth. It may be about a destructive habit, a new coping mechanism you have developed, your plan to “win back” the ex or the obsession with your ex’s new girlfriend. Whatever it is, your BFF lets you know when you are off track and can guide you back to sanity.
10. They let you be you all the time
With the divorce, you may be trying to keep it all together at work, for the kids, for your family, for the community and sometimes it can be draining having to be on your A-game all the time. You may have to put up a brave or strong front up just to keep things moving. Your BFF does not try to change you or make you a different person. They let you be the authentic you all the time and that is quite refreshing.
Your BFF is an asset, one that should be treasured and cherished. Never take them for granted and let them know often how much they mean to you. “A good friend is like a four-leaf clover; hard to find and lucky to have.” Irish Proverb