You’ve met him, you like him but before you go further there are things you need to know about this new man in your life.
Families have started to fall apart more frequently lately. Surveys have shown that more than 60% of children in the US are raised in a single-parent family. That’s a whole lot of confident, strong moms, who devote their lives to their children. But while you may feel that you have everything under control, something may be missing.
You may be missing the companionship of the opposite sex. You may feel it’s time to find someone new to share your life with. If you are having these feelings, it’s time to start dating and, also time to take extra precautions before totally investing in a new man.
Below are 10 questions you should ask of any man before becoming too attached or too trusting when dating after divorce.
1. How do you feel about making a commitment?
As a single mom, the last thing you want is a man who is afraid of commitment. So before your relationship grows into something more, make sure that you’re both equally committed to creating a strong relationship.
2. How did your past relationships end?
There’s nothing wrong about asking your new partner about their previous relationship experiences. You need to know why your partner’s relationships ended and how he speaks of his exes. If your partner speaks ill of exes or takes no responsibility for the demise of past relationships, that’s a huge red flag. An emotionally healthy person is able to see their role in the ending of relationships and admit to faults.
3. How close are you with your family?
Ask about his relationships with his parents and family in general. The way he treats his family will give you insight at how capable he is of forming close bonds with others. If a man isn’t close to those who gave him life and raised him, how can you expect him to be able to create a bond with you that you can trust?
4. What is your relationship with your children like?
If you’re a single mom, you have to ask this question. When you’re starting a new relationship, you don’t only think about yourself, but about your child as well.
If you’re looking for a man to love you, you’ll also want one who can love your children as an extension of you. When you find a man who has a close bond and loving relationship with his children, you’ve found a keeper.
If, on the other hand, he rarely sees his children, is willing to put you before his children’s needs he probably isn’t the man for you.
5. How do you deal with conflict?
We all have different ways to deal with conflicts in our relationships. But when you’re in a new relationship and your new man prefers to yell when you are prone to resolve conflicts peacefully, you might want to reconsider or, better yet, put it in reverse and quickly exit the relationship. Make sure that your partner is eager to sit down and talk, rather than resort to yelling and verbal assault.
6. What political party do you belong to?
In this day and time, few things are more important. We live in a country that is divided politically. The sex may be good but, let’s face it if you hate Donald Trump and he is a rabid Trump supporter it’s going to take more than good sex to get over that hurdle.
7. What happened during your divorce?
You’ve gone through the divorce process and come out the other side with more knowledge of who you are and what you want out of life. Find out what he has learned about himself from the experience. What lessons did he take away from his divorce experience that will help him in a new relationship?
What is his relationship with his ex like? Is he able to co-parent civilly? The last thing you need muddying up a new relationship is constant drama between your new man and his ex.
8. Have you ever cheated in a relationship?
This is a rather ugly topic to discuss. But if infidelity is something you’ve experienced before and was the reason your marriage ended, you need to protect yourself from being hurt again. You want a man who is on the same page you’re own when it comes to the sanctity of that part of a relationship.
9. What kind of work do you do?
Does he have a job, does he enjoy his job, how long has he worked his job? You may not be looking for a man to support your but, you damn sure don’t want one you’ll end up having to support. Ask the right questions and find out if he is financially secure.
10. Where do you see yourself in five years?
Ask your partner, how they see their life in 5 or 10 years. If they don’t see themselves having a family or being in a committed relationship, you should reconsider dating this person or becoming more involved. If his view of his future doesn’t align with the view you have for your future, it’s going to be almost impossible to maintain a healthy relationship unless you are willing to sacrifice your future plans. That isn’t a good thing!
Getting back on track and dating after a divorce is really hard. But if you feel that something’s missing and you want to feel loved again, it’s time to put your fears aside. Be confident and remember that you deserve the best. Good luck!