1. Don’t live, eat and breathe your divorce. Distract yourself with real life!
2. Divorce is about gaining your freedom, not sulking over the “woulda, coulda, shoulda” aspects of the death of your marriage.
3. Your ex has feelings too. Something important to keep in mind. Divorce is not easy for anyone!
4. Divorce is about rebuilding a new life for yourself, not about taking your ex down.
5. Don’t waste your money. The more issues you battle out in court, the less money you will have when all is said and done.
6. Do not waste your life by accumulating unnecessary stress. You can’t control what he says or does but you can control how you react. Practice and perfect letting it “roll off your back.”
7. Bad shit happens in bad relationships. Don’t take the bad with you as you move forward. Leave that baggage at the gate!
8. There are two sides to any story, your side and his side. When you tell your side, keep this in mind…people are going to hear both sides. Make an effort to sound reasonable and rational when telling your side.
9. Don’t allow your marriage to define your divorce. Just because you had a bad marriage doesn’t mean you have to have a bad divorce. Remaining flexible and willing to compromise means cutting the cord with less pain.
10. Don’t let your divorce define your future. Divorcing a wackjob who is hell bent on making the divorce process miserable doesn’t mean you can’t “shake it off” and put it behind you.
11. Don’t self-soothe by shopping. Seriously! New shoes may momentarily distract from the emotional pain but long-term healing is what you need. Find a good therapist first, new shoes later!
12. Don’t stop moving forward! Keep yourself busy and focused on goals for your future. You can’t turn a negative into a positive if you are sitting on idle. Get up, get out and get busy moving on.
13. Don’t make decisions based on how you feel emotionally. What you do today will affect tomorrow so, put every effort into using common sense.
14. Don’t be hard on yourself. It takes two to make a marriage and two to break a marriage. Own your part in the demise of the marriage, forgive yourself and do better the next time around.
15. Don’t take anything anyone says personally. Emotions are charged and legal issues are ugly. Friends, family, lawyers and judges; they will all say things you don’t want to hear. That’s divorce, put your big girl panties on and deal with it.
16. Don’t try to be friends with your ex. That may happen in time but divorce is not the best foundation to build a friendship on. Let time pass and healing happen before attempting to define a new and more civil relationship.
17. Don’t roll over and play nice doggy. Use all your resources to keep drama out of your divorce. If you pull out all the stops and he is still hell bent on being an asshole, you have my permission to crush his nuts in court. Never voluntarily give up your power to anyone!
18. Never hesitate to ask for help. Have numbers to friends and family members you can call in the middle of the day or, the middle of the night if you are feeling fragile. Never sit with your pain alone, when you don’t feel like being alone.
19. Don’t give into guilt and don’t use guilt to get your way. You’re a big girl, you know when someone is pushing your buttons to get you to capitulate. And, don’t go pushing his buttons either. Everyone is better served by playing fairly during divorce.
20. Don’t ignore your children’s pain. Put your children’s needs first at ALL TIMES. Don’t use them to get back at him. Don’t use them to make him pay for hurting you. Don’t use your children! Love your children and allow your ex to do the same.