Here are 23 quick tips that are simple and important to implement into your life while helping your children cope with divorce, and some facts you might find surprising.
- Parents set the tone in the way they explain a family change to their kids.
- Consider feelings. Your child may have feelings completely different from yours. They might feel shock, denial, anger, and sadness and experience worry and anxiety.
- Keep life normal. Make sure parts of your child’s life are as normal as possible.
- Make certain the children understand they did not cause the divorce.
- Stay connected. Set regular times for phone calls or video chats, email, or texts.
- Keep visible conflict, heated discussions, and legal talk away from the kids.
- Don’t bad-mouth your ex. No matter what you would like to say about your ex, don’t do it in front of your kid.
- Work together. If you are flexible, that’s going to give your ex reason to be flexible in return.
- Get support. Surround yourself with caring family, friends, and colleagues who have your family’s best interests in mind.
- Be prepared to answer these and other questions: Who will I live with? Where will I go to school? Will I move? Where will each parent live? Will I still get to see my friends? Will I have to go to a different school?
- We always have to be in tune to the needs of our children.
- Breaking up a family sucks. Always helps to find ways to vent.
- Get help dealing with your own painful feelings about the divorce.
- Be patient with yourself and with your child.
- Recognize the signs of stress.
- Allow the children to adjust to the divorce at their own rates.
- Spend time alone with each child so that he or she will feel special.
- Don’t quiz your child about the other parent.
- Make time to laugh and to laugh at yourself. Watch a Kevin Hart movie.
- Try to keep to your usual family routines and community ties.
- Spanking or any physical abuse is forbbiden.
- Please don’t overwhelm yourself with toxic worry! It can leak on to your kids.
- Learn more about how to help your child cope with divorce
Is there a chance my kid will be screwed up because of the divorce?
According to the Scientific American, “divorce affects most children in the short run, but research suggests that kids recover rapidly after the initial blow. In a 2002 study psychologist E. Mavis Hetherington of the University of Virginia and her then graduate student Anne Mitchell Elmore found that many children experience short-term negative effects from divorce, especially anxiety, anger, shock and disbelief. These reactions typically diminish or disappear by the end of the second year. Only a minority of kids suffer longer…
In addition, certain characteristics of the child can influence his or her resilience. Children with an easygoing temperament tend to fare better. Coping styles also make a difference. For example, children who are good problem solvers and who seek social support are more resilient than those who rely on distraction and avoidance.”
There is no question a divorce is hard on everyone in the picture. Much of how children are affected depends on how their parents handle the divorce process. If both parents express love to their children and work to create a stable environment, children can emerge from the situation in good shape.
If you’re interested in more about your child check out more resources at Teenagesons.com