After divorce, life can feel unsettling, unfair, and full of fear of the future. During the time you were going through legal proceedings whether, through the courts or mediation, you probably didn’t have time to think or fully process the implications for your future. When you find yourself in the aftermath of the finality of it all, life can feel empty and dark.
I remember feeling a new level of grief after my divorce was final and I had to move with my young daughter from my home of 10 years. It was a time of confusion, fear, and more grief.
This place between your old life and your new life that is waiting for you is what I call the Void. In this place of emptiness, you get to create a life that is authentic to who you really are. You get to create a life you love by healing what is blocking you from manifesting all that you desire for your life.
I distinctly remember as I continued my healing journey after the move, that I crossed a bridge to a clearing that felt full of possibilities.
There are important and life-changing thoughts for this time of your life.
Below is a list of 25 of the most important things to remember after divorce.
These insights helped me navigate through my own journey post-divorce.
1. Time does not heal all wounds despite what the popular saying proposes. What DOES heal your wounds is becoming aware of what they are and then learning how to heal and release them. Adele’s song Hello says it clearly in the first two lines;
”They say that time’s supposed to heal ya; but I ain’t done much healing.”
2. You must go deep within to heal and release limiting beliefs and toxic patterns to fully show up as YOU. Clarissa Pinkola Estés who wrote, “Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype,” said,
“Deep in the wintry parts of our minds, we know there is no such thing as a work-free transformation. We know we will have to burn to the ground in one way or another, and then sit right in the ashes of who we once thought we were and go on from there.”
3. This inner work is the most important thing you will ever do in your life. It will lead you back to your true self.
4. Conscious awareness of deeply hidden limiting beliefs and toxic patterns is a critical step on your healing journey. Understanding all that is within you that is blocking you from having the life you desire will unlock your highest potential.
5. Your life did not end when your marriage did. It may feel like you and your life were shattered to pieces with no way to put yourself or your life back together. But the gift that comes from falling apart is being able to build a stronger foundation to create a life you love and adore.
6. Creating a life, one that you love and adore, is easy when you learn that all that you need to navigate your journey post-divorce is within you.
7. You have the power within you to rise above the heartbreak and create an extraordinary life fulfilling your deepest purpose of why you are here and what you are meant to be doing.
8. Your journey will be bumpy and rocky if you do not learn to trust yourself implicitly.
9. Everything that happened DID happen for a reason. You may not know what the real reason is for a while or maybe not for a long time. It doesn’t matter. Just knowing this was the path you were led on will hopefully allow you to accept and ultimately surrender to how your life is in this moment.
10. Surrender is the first step on your journey after divorce. This step may take several months or years depending on whether you fight every step of the way or put on a new pair of lenses and do the inner work that is required to achieve ultimate surrender.
11. Other areas of your life may fall apart. You may find that your divorce causes an avalanche of destruction in many other areas of your life. This is to clear out all that no longer serves you to build anew.
12. Your children will be okay and not “messed up” because of the divorce itself. It is how you handle situations and all the emotions that come with it. Handling things with insight and awareness and honoring your children’s feelings will be the key to how your children process their own journey. Even if you find yourself being the only “sane” parent and co-parenting is non-existent, how you are with your children can be the anchor that keeps them grounded and rooted in their own authentic selves.
13. The heartbreak you experienced was a wake-up call to finally let go of control of maintaining a façade that kept you in a box living small. It is a call to open the box and step out and shine your brilliance to the world.
14. Your heart was not actually “broken.” The outer, protective covering we put over our heart has been cracked or shattered. It feels as if our heart was split in two, but it is the pain of exposing what is underneath the hard exterior most of us have built to protect ourselves. When this false sense of self is shattered and we are in excruciating pain, we are vulnerable which causes most of us to run and hide. We just want to close it all backdown and hide and protect our hearts from the outside elements. As Marianne Williamson says,
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
15. The blueprint to building an authentic and soul satisfying life is hidden behind the brick walls that were erected a long time ago. Heartbreak is one way in which the wall collapses leaving you feeling vulnerable.
16. Divorce will stretch you out of your comfort zone. But moving past your comfort zone will cause you to grow in ways you could not have before your divorce. Use this time to go out and bloom to your highest potential. Here is what Brene Brown says about courage:
“I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage, or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.”
17. Heartbreak gives you an opportunity to step onto a new path. It is the path that is one less traveled but is crucial for you if you have even a hint of a desire for a better way of living. It is the path that is strewn with all kinds of debris that you will be navigating through. It is a path within to your deepest self, that still place within that has been waiting for you.
“True power comes from standing in your own truth and walking your own path.” -Elizabeth Gilbert
18. The best way to navigate through this time (and forever after) is to drop down into your heart and be guided from within. Knowing deep down that Spirit/the Universe or whatever you call a Higher Power can see how things can be orchestrated in your life for your highest and greatest good and that you will be led to each part of your journey.
19. Whatever your dreams are or what you have imagined for your life is still there waiting for you to take action to create whatever it is you desire. This desire in your heart to create a better future for yourself and your children would not be there if it were not possible for you to attain it.
20. Achieving radical acceptance in this phase of your life means stopping the struggle within that things should be different than they are. What you may feel when you achieve radical acceptance is a profound release and a feeling of being free and ready to move forward with your life.
21. Once you achieve acceptance, you can get clear on the desires of your heart and what to do next to build a life that is authentically yours.
22. Self-care is essential to remain calm and balanced during such an uncertain time. Learning to live with the uncertainty by living moment by moment and day by day will keep you centered.
23. As you emerge from the acute pain of heartbreak, you will be able to tune in to your deepest desires and be guided to the next right step.
24. The one thing to understand about all you have been through; the divorce, the trauma, the anger, financial struggles, challenges of raising young children alone, etc. is to know that this is about YOU. It is about your Spiritual Evolution. When you understand that the purpose of this journey through life is for you to heal all your inner wounds and recognize your true self, you will be free of any attachments to the outside world.
25. Learning to tap into your inner Spiritual world, will allow you to quickly create a life that is for your highest and greatest good
For further information on how to heal on a deep level after heartbreak and divorce, grab a FREE copy of my 7-step blueprint. You can also check out Heartbreak Recovery Kit: Your 30-Day Prescription to Happiness After Divorce. Stay tuned for my brand new course, “Magic, Manifestation and Money” for women desiring to create a life of abundance.