Dating in your 40s doesn’t have to be a drag! It might seem scary and unfamiliar, but let me tell you, it can be a lot of fun and much better than when you were in your 20s.
Why? With age, you’ve learned heaps about yourself, and you’ve come to accept and embrace who you are. This gives you confidence and freedom that many 20-year-olds only dream of.
As you get older, it also means some conventional dating myths don’t apply any longer, like these three:
1. Physical Attraction Is Essential
Dating in your 20s was all about checking out who was in your university English class, at that bar you and your friends went to on weekends or at the gym. It was based on physical attraction, plain and simple. It didn’t matter if they had similar values as you or if they wanted kids – no need for any of that back then.
Now, however, a pretty face isn’t enough. If a person is nice to look at but you don’t connect with them on an intellectual basis and you don’t value the same things, the relationship won’t go very far.
Not only that, but someone that you may not find initially attractive can become more so as you get to know them.
Lust is physical whereas love is emotional. Lust doesn’t necessarily lead to emotional intimacy. Building the bond of affection can cultivate your attraction to another person, beyond just their looks. You can be attracted to their whole person.
2. The Daredevil Is Sexy
The person who lives on the edge, pushes the limits and doesn’t answer to anybody can seem like such a turn-on in your 20s. If someone is still being reckless into their 40s, they are far from appealing.
>A recent study showed that 78 percent of singles surveyed found excessive drinking a turnoff, while 90 percent said the use of illegal drugs was also a turnoff.
Excessive drinking or drug use into the 40s usually indicates a person may have a substance abuse problem and underlying issues that have gone untreated. Drug use, especially heroin, is used equally by men and women, but it’s not something you have to tolerate.
The bad boy or rebel girl have lost their appeal in their 40s, as they aren’t functioning adults who can have a functional relationship. No thanks!
3. Playing Dumb Plays Well
When dating in your 20s, you may have played down your intellect. There is a belief out there that being smart and accomplished can be a turnoff since it may intimidate your date. Plus, many people in their 20s aren’t interested in what’s going on between the ears but instead between the sheets. They aren’t concerned about having an equal partner, rather it’s about arm candy.
In your 20s challenging a date intellectually is seen as an affront to some – but that should not matter, especially in your 40s. You have built your life, your career, and your home. You don’t need to shrink for anyone. It’s important that you are able to be your true self completely. If a person can’t handle that, they aren’t for you. That isn’t just self-help gobbledygook. You are old enough to know yourself and be secure in who you are.
I love the quote “What’s for you will bring out the best in you, not the worst. That’s how you’ll know.” It sums up why it’s important to embrace and allow your success and intellect to shine.
Not only that, but being successful and confident is attractive. It shows you can take care of yourself. You aren’t waiting for someone to come save you – no white steeds and shining armor here.
You actually have more to offer because you’ve lived more, know more and have experienced more success than in your 20s.
Being in your 40s and in the dating scene can be a heck of a lot of fun. You have the confidence and self-awareness that you lacked in your 20s. You know what you want, what you’ll tolerate and know that you’ll survive and thrive no matter what the romantic outcome is.
There are lots of options out there, and you can be a part of it all if you choose. There’s also no pressure to be romantically involved. If there’s one thing you know in your 40s, it’s that no one completes you. Only you can do that.