Finally, you’re ready to date after divorce and you head out into the dating world (most likely online) hoping to meet a gem. Before you get your heart set on any one man, you need to familiarize yourself with the 5 men you should avoid dating after divorce…absolutely!
After getting a divorce and grieving the loss of your marriage and dreams for the future, trust me, these are 5 men you should avoid dating.
1. The Narcissist
“I’ve got chills, they’re multiplyin!” And it’s not because I’m listening to the Grease soundtrack but because the idea of dating a narcissist after divorce is simply put, terrifying!
It’s hard to spot The Narcissist if you’re not paying close attention. Narcissists are incredibly charming and captivating, so it’s easy to get caught up in their spell. You may be dating a narcissist if your new man:
- Is incredibly charming and doting? Do you get constant gifts and attention?
- Proud of himself and continuously discussing his accomplishments?
- Is great at receiving compliments, not so great at giving compliments?
- Has a sense of entitlement. He is entitled to last minute, no notice time with you.
- Lacks empathy for others? When he has a bad day, it’s a terribly, no good day but, when you have a bad day, it’s no big deal.
- Brags about high profile acquaintances, he has friends in “high places!”
- Builds himself up by tearing others down. Belittling others helps him feel good about himself.
- Is extremely competitive.
If your date does any of these things all while showing off photos of his rock hard abs, never forgetting to talk about where he’s been or going next, beware! As charming as the narcissist can be, he is not worth getting involved with. Back up now!
2. Someone Just Like Your Ex or Someone Completely Opposite From Your Ex
Do not, I repeat, do not date someone who is very similar to your ex. There’s a reason your marriage didn’t work out in the first place. You don’t need to find out that it’s not going to work again, even if the relationship feels comfortable.
On the flip side, it’s very common for women and men to date the opposite of their ex after divorce. However, it doesn’t usually work. In seeking out the complete opposite of your ex, you’re typically working psychologically on issues you had during the marriage OR, trying to rebel from what you once knew. It’s like an escape instead of a relationship.
“Oh Johnny is so X, Y, and Z different from my ex,” but often these opposites are a way of trying to fulfill needs that your ex didn’t meet, rather than entering into a healthy non-needy or co-dependent relationship. Date people who are a middle ground from your past.
3. The Fixer-Upper
He’s such a nice guy but he’s got way too much baggage. Baggage from family of origin, baggage from old relationships, baggage, baggage, baggage! Don’t even think about it!
You’re attracted to this guy because you still feel a little wounded and unsure after your divorce and caretaking for this new man makes you feel needed and loved, but it’s a disaster waiting to happen. Do you really need to be someone’s mommy, especially if you’ve got children already?
No, absolutely not.
Let this man fix his own issues and come to you once he has all his ducks in a row. You (hopefully) have worked hard to resolve your own issues and line up your ducks the right way after divorce so you deserve someone who has also invested the same in his own self-growth.
4. The Married Man
If he’s married, I will keep this simple: he won’t leave his wife. Enough said.
It’s rather easy to feel vulnerable and unwanted after divorce and an affair with a married or taken man could feel tempting simply because you’re looking for attention and an affair can be exciting. With that said, it’s a dumb move, plain and simple. It’s asking for heartache. Don’t even!
5. The No-Strings Guy
Let’s not forget the thousands of men crawling for sex and posing with good intentions online. It will be fun for some time. He will make you feel pretty and sexy and you’ll enjoy having a sex life again until you start to have feelings and he doesn’t, all the while reminding you that he never promised you a commitment.
If you want a fling this guy is okay, but if you want to date in the hope of developing a relationship, you need to say hasta la vista when the no-strings guy comes around.
In a nutshell: dating after divorce can be tough but it doesn’t have to be hell as long as you are entering the dating world when you are truly ready, and not because you’re desperate for love and attention. No one can fulfill your needs, only you can. Work on you, keep your eyes open, and date simply for the experience and fun and eventually, Mister Right will show up.