Women who take the time to heal after divorce understand the relevance of being picky when it comes to dating. However, I often hear strangers announce, “single women are too damn picky!”
Listen, Helen, I prefer the term “choosy”.
A woman may have spent thousands of dollars on attorney fees, countless hours forming a parenting plan and custody schedule, along with therapy sessions and grueling nights of tears and healing. Therefore, she has every right to be choosy when the decision ultimately involves sharing her life and her children’s lives with a man.
When a mama bear takes that big leap into the world of dating, she now has much higher expectations than she did prior to growing tiny life inside of her body.
I speak from experience.
Here are the top 5 reasons why I am picky as hell when it comes to dating post-divorce.
1. A man in my life will need to be a role model.
I expect more from a man than video-gaming, football, farting, and overtime work. Show me some depth, spirituality, and intelligence. How does he handle anger? Can he multitask? Does he have direction and drive? Can he laugh with me and the kids?
Most importantly, does he dance in the kitchen?
If a relationship develops between us, my kids will eventually be watching and admiring him. I value hard work, consistency, honesty, passion, and dedication. Their daddy also has standards and we are a co-parenting team. Can he hang?
So yeah, I’m choosy.
2. I will not partake in a rebound relationship.
A rebound relationship is a fast paced, whirlwind romance with the intentions of primarily filling the void of loneliness and soothing the burn of heartbreak. No thanks.
I have been working very diligently on myself for the past year post-divorce. I am eager to heal emotional wounds and strengthen my weakest character traits, solo.
A newly divorced man or a recently single guy is not an emotionally available suitor.
Healing from heartache takes time. I want to know what steps he has taken to improve himself. What are his flaws and character deficits? I do not want my next romantic relationship to be formed over the bonds of divorce and disappointment.
That is Mrs. Ms. Choosy to you!
3. Brains over brawn.
So, he has a 6-pack abdomen? Nice, but I am not interested in the vehicle he drives or how he looks in “dem jeans.” In addition, that is great that he has a personal goal of skiing every single day in the three-month span of winter. Really, kudos to him.
I want to know if he believes in a greater plan and the workings of the universe. What does he value? What went wrong in his last relationship? What part did he play in the demise of the partnership? How does he plan to improve upon himself and his life? When does he feel the most connected to his spirituality? Can he handle grief and sit with me while I cry? Is he man enough to let me see him cry?
I am not perfect, but I am picky.
4. I have a kick ass career.
I spent four grueling years of my life in nursing school followed by another three tiring years of graduate school to finally begin a career that I LOVE. I am now enjoying the fruits of my labor. I am not saying that a post graduate education is mandatory for a man. I am saying that any man I date must have a career or trade that he is truly fulfilled doing. Life really is too short to be miserable.
If a man struggles to get out of bed every day and curses his career, then he is not being true to himself.
When a man demonstrates the ability to reach his goals and make his dream a reality, that proves his dedication.
I want an enthusiastic man that is committed to following his heart, the demands of his work, as well as the bonds of family.
5. I know which one of my children did not flush the toilet.
I also know which child did not wash his/her hands. I know when my kid is lying. I know whether my child is in pain or frustrated by the tone and pitch of his cry from the other room.
I know when a man is giving off bad vibes. I know when a dude is lying to me about the number of women he is currently dating. I know when a guy is not completely over his ex. I know when my date is lying about his use of tobacco.
Mothers have an especially heightened sense of B.S. detection. A woman that remains in touch with her inner self has perceptive abilities far beyond what science can explain. Women know.
I have a very clear image of the qualities that I desire in a man. If I know that you are not quite right for me, we will part ways.
If that makes me picky, then so be it.
In conclusion, when divorced mothers heal we will rediscover the powerful feminine energy from within. We will be too darn picky!