My divorce was final in May of 2013. I am happily single and thriving. I never thought I would say those words. The way he ended our 14-year relationship and 13-year marriage only days from our anniversary is less than a fond memory. Understatement!
Everyone told me, “You will look back at this day and be glad it’s over.” I didn’t think that way at the time. The state we live in makes you wait a year when you do not have enough proof for adultery. That year helped me to heal. I am sad I gave in to him with his wanting a no-fault divorce, but then again, fighting this would have dragged it on. Unlike my ex, I kept my promise. I gave him the divorce and I still came out better than most with kids would have. His guilt set me free.
No one is every thankful for a broken heart, but I am. Here is why I am thankful my ex broke my heart:
1. I’m more aware of the signs of trouble.
His actions were a huge wake-up call for me. The humdrum life we had of going to bed each night, no kiss goodnight, and no I love you’s. The almost fake kiss goodbye in the mornings were enough, or so I thought, to make me think he cared. The fact is that was barely keeping us afloat and I was blinded by that. He told me he wouldn’t be there if he didn’t want to be, yet he was there and sleeping with his co-worker behind my back. He also told me he didn’t need to tell me he loved me daily, I should already know that. I require that now with anyone who decides to be in my life.
2. I am alone but not lonely.
I thought once we separated and moved, I would feel all alone. The fact was I was not really alone. I needed that time for myself to heal, to cry, to blow up, and to just learn who I was. In the past, I had always gone from guy to guy because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. Now, I realize I needed time for me. I needed to find out what I wanted out of life. To enjoy that bed by myself. To not clean toothpaste off the bathroom mirror. To not bitch because his clothes were on top the clothes hamper because he was too damn lazy to lift the lid! Happiness is not a person; happiness is within you.
3. My daughters are my life.
Before I split from my ex, my daughters and I had a strained relationship. I felt like they were always putting me down and it hurt. Once the split happened, they started including me in their lives and my granddaughters lives. I have never felt closer to them as I do today. I no longer put a man or his decisions before my daughters, and I don’t have to. I am a mom, and Gigi and I are very fulfilled with that life.
4. I am stronger than I ever thought possible.
After my mental and physical breakdown for the way our marriage ended, I realized life does go on. I managed to get a promotion at work and my career has soared. I have not thought much about dating but have created a bucket list of sorts to allow me to fulfill things in my life such as traveling. I took a few years off, concentrated on my career, and finally went out on a date. I approached it much differently than I ever have in my life. I didn’t wait for his text, his responses, his approval. I don’t need it. I am perfectly fine alone, and now that I realize that, I know being on dating sites and dealing with the drama of the opposite sex is the least of my concerns.
5. It’s perfectly fine to laugh and cry at the same time.
I found a divorce group online that is closed. Within that group, I met the most wonderful lady who has been through the same as I have. We laugh, we cry, we vent. She is the only person I feel totally comfortable telling that I can be so angry at my ex for what he did yet I love him at the same time. Turning off the feelings you had for someone, especially when the relationship was lengthy, you are bound to have many emotions.
Three years ago, as I watched my ex pack my entire life into two cars and move me to a house, I never thought I would be who I am today. He made me believe I could not exist without him. I like a saying I saw on Facebook: “Well look at you, all living and shit.” I certainly am.
My girls came and stayed with me for a month this summer. My oldest came and lived with me for a month recently. Having people in my house in the past was chaos. Now, it feels like a home when my kids or friends stay. Yes, I was married to a man I realized was the love of my life, but who knows what my future will bring or who, with that future, will come into my life.
All I know is that I am enjoying living this life.
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