First of all, this is a “do as I say, not as a I do post” though I try my best to follow my own sage (!) advice.
Understand that it takes two to tango but the affair is not YOUR fault. Whatever flaws your ex finds with you–I was told I was ugly, unattractive, unlovable, he never really loved me, don’t know why he married me—the affair is about HIM, not you. The affair is way more exciting than figuring out the kids’ carpools, especially the sneaking around, the illicit sex, secret texts and phone calls. Planning a vacation behind my back. It’s powerful stuff.
And things DO get better. The person you are today is not the person you will be in six months or a year. You will make a new life for you and your children. Maybe it’s not the one you planned on but it’s YOURS.
Personally, I hate the word co-parenting. It smacks of bullsh*t psychobabble. Some moms are great parents, some dads are great parents, but the dude who threw his kids under the bus to live with his girlfriend so he could “live a life of freedom” and “live my life on my own terms” is not a parent.
The latest slap came today when the ex suggested that I meet with him and girlfriend to discuss the kids and the activities they are going to be doing together. That’s what I really want to do…sit in a room with him, his girlfriend and discuss our children and how to best integrate the girlfriend into their lives. I passed on the offer but I know I’ll be slammed for not being a cooperative co-parent. That may be true but how the kids manage meeting the girlfriend is up to him. If the meeting doesn’t go well I will be available to support the kids but he has to take responsibility for his actions.
Time is magical. I just passed the one year mark of the ex moving out of the house. Am I still hurt? Of course I am. But I look back on the past year and reflect on how I have changed and grown. It is not easy and will never be easy. I ache for my children. But life goes on and I’m finding my “new normal.” And so will you.