One of the initial “shocks” you’ll feel soon after a divorce as a woman is that it’ll seem you’ve suddenly got so much time on your hand. But that’s mostly because you now have back the time you often spent looking after your ex or to do his biddings.
So what do you do with all that extra free time, and all that energy and rollercoaster of emotions that come with it?
The first few days, weeks and months after a divorce are very important as you’ll have to effectively deal with a whirlwind of confusing emotions, or run the risk of being enslaved to them and not being able move on. Here are things you should be careful about in those fragile moments.
1. Don’t think you’re lonely. Remember you’re just alone in the interim
The most overwhelming burden divorced women feel is that feeling of loneliness that gnaws at their heart. It’s not just the awareness of being alone again after being used to seeing your ex nearly every day for years. Being without a partner again after being swept off your feet and saying your wedding vows and then the years of marriage afterwards can certainly fill you with an empty, disorienting feeling.
But don’t allow this “alone” phase of your life to become a lonely one. Consider it as your spiritual wake-up call moment to rediscover yourself and recreate life the way you want it.
2. You’ll have feelings of numbness sometimes. Don’t cage it. Set it free.
At this time of your life also, you really can’t help feeling numb sometimes. What you can help is letting it stifle you and make you feel miserable. Let it go. Allow yourself to feel sad for the moment and listen to your wiser self inside of you speaking to you. Let that inner, transformed you be your silent teacher.
3. Don’t indulge in vengeful thoughts
Divorce – like at any other time in your life you may have felt an overwhelming sense of injustice done to you – is also a period you may discover an evil, diabolical side of you probably never knew. And if you feed it with your concentration, bitter self-talk, images of past hurts and fear of the future, it’ll grow into a monster; and tie you to the past.
But you’re not a monster, whatever the circumstances were that led to your legal separation from your former husband. You need to release any revenge vibe by going through the court process as quickly as possible and step into a happier future for yourself. You certainly can’t do that if you get stuck in the mess and misery of a broken marriage, the blame game and self-pity.
4. Choose a happy and smiling appearance. Don’t slip into a feeling of failure
If you allow it, you might hear a small, taunting voice telling you you’re a failure. Don’t listen to it. You didn’t fail; your marriage did.
You still have a great life, a great job and beautiful, healthy kids. And there’s a greater and happier future in front of you. It’s your choice to silence that false and tiny evil voice and revalidate that truth about your new status.
This is also a time to take good care of yourself, especially in areas you’ve always skipped or paid less attention to. Smile, be happy and embrace your new relationship with you. Always keep up a bright, cheerful face with pearly white teeth and healthy gums. Find a friendly and experienced dentist and spend time and money on yourself; generally, give off positive energy to those around you.
5. Finally, be careful not to get attracted to a clone of your ex again
Surprised? It’s psychological. That’s what usually happens when people are ready to date again – be careful. It’s in your subconscious unless you’ve learnt to free yourself from what attracted you to your ex in the first place and have moved on emotionally.
If you haven’t, you could find yourself attracted to someone that looks, smells and speaks like him (only with a new name). Then the dating mask falls off and you’re back in the same vicious cycle again.
So, you need to understand that part of you that attracts and gets attracted to someone like your ex, and to allow your wiser inner self to guide you to what will end in true happiness.