While the number of boomer males dating complaints doesn’t nearly equal the level of complaints from women, there’s still some room for improvement. I dated on and off for years and sometimes it seemed like women were tone deaf to a boomer guy’s feelings.
In the interest of fairness and clarity here are 5 Tips to help boomer women be cooler dates.
1. Please don’t compare us to any of your previous boyfriends, husbands, lovers or whoever, including your father. Our male egos, aside, nothing wilts a man’s enthusiasm quicker than hearing about other men. My old dating behavior was to become physical, too soon in relationships, which never resulted in a success. When I began dating someone new after taking a break, I decided to wait until there was an emotional connection before becoming physical. Our second date was dinner she prepared at her home. Afterward we sat on the sofa and kissed lightly, she stood up and began undressing. When I told her I wasn’t ready for physical intimacy yet, she replied, “My last boyfriend was forty and he could go five times a night.” I thanked her for dinner and for sharing her colorful sexual history with me and headed for the door.
2. While asking a man about previous relationships is a necessary conversation in a developing relationship, it’s not where most guys feel comfortable going right away. While questions about how marriages, girlfriends or other relationships are fair, this topic can be unwieldy when guys aren’t given sufficient time to access their feelings about them. Give us the benefit of the doubt in terms of our willingness to share our pasts. Allow us time to feel confident entering a potentially hazardous arena.
3. If you bear only a passing resemblance to the photo you posted in your dating profile, don’t try to make us feel better by asking us to imagine you fifteen pounds ago. I know–men do this too–but I hear about this disconnect between photos and reality from far more men than women. Airbrushed photos? We’re not looking for perfection! What always impressed me most was a woman’s smiling photo. We’d like the woman who shows up to be the same woman we thought we were talking with.
4. Please wait a while before introducing us to your adult children. Most of us are dads who love our children and want them to approve of our new partner, just not right away. When I arrived at a woman’s home and unexpectedly ran into her adult children, my first feeling was panic. We understand you want their approval and we hope you’ll get it. Give us time to first feel confident about the relationship, then to feel confident looking your children in the eye.
5. We’re thrilled about the circle of girlfriends you’ve had since college. Honestly, we’re glad to know you have a support system. My partner introduced me to her girlfriends too soon and too fast. It felt exhausting at the time and I wished I’d spoken up about spreading out the invitations. Fortunately, we all liked each other and I’ve become friends with her girlfriends and their partners. The difference in our styles became clear when she said she didn’t feel socializing with her friends nearly every weekend wasn’t excessive. We went on what felt like a merry-go-round ride until we agreed not to book dates with friends every weekend. While I look forward to seeing her friends, I suggest a woman take some time before introducing a new man to her friends.
I hope boomer women find these tips helpful. The issues behind these tips didn’t just happen to me, but to thousands of men who have written comments on my articles too. I’ve written about boomer sex, dating and relationships for nearly a decade, always with the intention that my articles might smooth out dating and relationships.