Everyone else has husbands to deal with. You don’t. You become the single mom friend who has schedule troubles, can’t make girl time events and when you do, find out that it’s hard to relate.
Nope. My husband doesn’t do that. Nope, he doesn’t do that either. No, we don’t have wars about who likes to cuddle and who doesn’t.
You no longer know which side of the story you’re on- would you rather have a husband to complain about or bask in the freedom of loneliness? Meanwhile you are longing to share the woes of a single income household and war stories about how you conquered the army of expenses by cutting the grocery bill in half this week- PBJ for everyone!
Or, how you are coming along with working all day, caring for kids, caring for a household and then flat lining before you have been able to care for yourself.
How about how you have been fine tuning your prioritization skills both in the office and on the home front?
Your research has concluded:
1. Eating coconut macaroons always places higher than doing dishes. Dishes will only rank higher when they no longer fit within the sink/dishwasher and are taking up precious space that could otherwise be occupied by more coconut macaroons.
2. Being a responsible mom places higher than cool mom Monday-Thursday. Weekends- all bets are off!
3. Feeding the children is priority to washing their clothes. Nothing that can’t be handled with a little dryer fluffing in the morning.
Where are all those other signgle mons? Where are these other 50% I’ve heard about? Is it true that out of all the social circles I flutter, I’m the only one single (out on a limb)? The girl who picked Mr. Safe guy is alone on a damn single mom divorced limb! What hogwash! I demand a recount, Florida! These figures can’t be right!
If the statistic is so favoring of failure, why do I feel like the only one going through this? (In real life. Tabloid divorces are disqualified as they are not relative to social circles in which I flutter.) I grew up with the D word changing my family landscape quite regularly. In fact, it is much harder to find anyone in my family one generation (and more) up who haven’t been divorced. History tells me that I shouldn’t be alone in this too.
So please. Someone explain to me why the hell all my friends are still married? Why I’m on this limb alone?
I guess I walked out here of my own free will. I made the decision. Not only did I break from my marriage, I broke from my precious social position. I alienated myself. That’s one way to look at it…
I also took a giant, courageous step for divorced-mom-kind. A big step towards taking my life back. I dusted off many facets of my dusty diamond self. I shine brighter now than ever before. So bright in fact, that I might have some light to share. And I expanded my definition of “social circle”.
Welcome to the future where social circles aren’t necessarily centered around hanging out in the living spaces, playing cards and gossiping our lives away. Oh- and in the future, we actually have many differences amongst us, and we LIKE it.
So what’s a girl (out on a limb) to do? Adapt, of course!
If you find yourself feeling a little anxious, beat up, unaligned or poorly matched in your new social setting, try these integration ideas to re-position yourself.
1. Own your divorce. Don’t shy away from it. Don’t make it taboo conversation, but don’t allow it to be the runaway train conversation for the event either. It is part of you and the energy you carry with it is yours to own. Manage the dial to suit the circle- yourself included.
2. Shine bright. This does not mean “I’m so much better off Divorced because _____”. That’s just another way to engage in a negative conversation. Instead, bring something you are proud of, that makes you feel bright, to the event. This could be a physical item, a story about how you conquered something that was challenging you or, just something that makes you laugh. Laughter is contagious and a very connecting activity.
3. Time travel back to your roots. Why are you friends with these people? What connects you? It’s very easy as we settle into “married with children-hood” to let these things go and replace them with stories about kids and husbands and how exciting home depot can be on the weekends. By connecting with your other facets, you have an opportunity to help your besties connect with theirs again too. Everyone wins when old favored past times are resurrected.
4. Dare to experience a new circle. Yes, there are other circles out there! Many of which have really awesome beings in them. Many of which may be seeking similar companionship, appreciate your thriving energy and be able to hold a strong presence in your life for years to come.
5. Be the friend you are longing for. We can always choose to make a difference in someone else’s life. Show up for someone and the universe will reward you in return. Maybe you are feeling lonely. Spend some time with someone else who is lonely. Maybe you are feeling inadequate. Make someone else feel more than adequate. What you contribute to the world, is what you contribute to yourself. Be that friend.
And if all else fails… we always have wine and naps.
Flutter on my friends, flutter on!