A new relationship after divorce can be intoxicating, right up to the point where you start doing things to destroy it.
The two of you go on a few dates, and you both realize you’ve hit it off. You decide to take the new relationship to more serious level. Congratulations on your new relationship!
As with any new relationships, and most especially since you are coming out of a divorce, the first few months of dating feel amazing and great. You’re inspired, motivated, and all smiles! Nothing can put you in a bad mood, especially with cupid hovering around you. But all the excitement may blind you to the small things you do that may potentially harm your new relationship.
I’ve rounded up the 6 things you need to watch out for if you want to keep this new relationship healthy and happy.
You wouldn’t want another “uncoupling” in the future, right?
1. Assuming your new partner is perfect
He always looks clean and shaven. He can be up before you to brew your coffee and can whip up a hearty breakfast. Lastly, he never forgets to put down the toilet seat after each use. So he got that all checked off your standards of an ideal man.
He brings you flowers for no reason and, no fast food for him when he takes you out, it’s to a nice restaurant. He texts you several times a day and calls nightly. He listens and shows concern for your problems. He is absolutely perfect, exactly the man you’ve always wanted.
While this may convince you to consider marrying (again!) soon, why don’t you give the relationship more time? You might be too caught up in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship and view him as perfect but, only time will tell you who he really is. Reality check: He’s still human and it’s best to find thought out before becoming too invested in the relationship.
2. Dropping your life for him
The excitement of a new relationship can be fabulous for you and your self-esteem. And you want to spend most of your time with him. That’s perfectly understandable, especially if this is your first relationship after your divorce.
Spend a lot of time with him if you wish. But remember to give each other personal time. He had a life before you, and so did you. Don’t abandon the things that matter to you as an individual. Keep doing things you love, and allow him to do the same. Don’t suffocate him by being too available. And don’t throw away the new you, you’ve worked to invent after your divorce. There is a healthy amount of time to give to a new man but make sure you don’t go overboard and make him your entire life.
3. Being too possessive
Possessiveness is always a turn off, whether in a new commitment or a long-time one. Just because he is your catch does not mean you own him. Avoid acting like you want him on a leash out of fear of losing him or losing control over him. Make your relationship about two independent individuals who complement each other. That way, there will be no need to be too dependent or possessive. Moreover, showing possessiveness reveals your insecurity and lack of trust in your new guy.
4. Overanalyzing the situation
This one may look harmless, but you don’t realize that it can actually harm your relationship. For instance, you want to see him again the next day, but you hesitate to ask because you think you might appear too needy or dependent! The best thing is just to simply say it. If he agrees to see you, good. If not, it’s okay! Guys prefer straightforwardness over drama or hard to figure out.
Some women become too focused on why her new man isn’t meeting her expectations. If she things he should be texting 4 times a day and only texts 2 times a day, she will ruminate, analyze and drive herself insane coming up with weird theories about why he doesn’t, who else he is texting and why she isn’t getting the attention she thinks she deserves. Let it go!
Don’t let your mind think too much, and just let things happen.
5. Lying about your needs
Honesty will always be a good thing in any relationship. It implies openness and trust.
While communicating is significant in a relationship being truthful in what you communicate is just as significant. Saying what you think he wants to hear in favor of expressing what you truly feel degrades a relationship, it doesn’t stabilize it.
Honest and open communication means that you trust your partner enough to understand you and your needs.
6. Avoiding big, serious talks
If you plan to get serious with your current flame and consider remarrying, then you have to deal with issues and concerns that matter. What are your long-term goals as a couple? Do you share the same set of values? If either of you have kids, what are your plans for them too? While these kinds of discussions need not happen right away, you and your new man can set the pace and find the right time to discuss these things.
Divorce may have been a blow to your idea of what a happy ending is, but with a budding new relationship after divorce, it is important to look at the bigger picture while also being careful with potential relationship mistakes. This way, you can get over the trauma of your divorce, and be ready to face a lifetime of bliss with your new man.