With the evolution of social media, it has become much easier to go too far when sharing private information. So while you may have the urge to divulge every horrible detail about your divorce and your ex, it is not in your best interest.
In my years as a family law attorney, I’ve heard many war stories that should act as cautionary tales for anyone going through the experience of a divorce.
Consider these 8 reasons before sharing too many dirty details about your divorce.
1. Dirty details can be used against you in the divorce.
Sharing intimate details about your relationship may be used against you and create greater dissention if they are known in public. Divorces are very emotional and it may feel necessary to share the private details of your separation and pending divorce. But remember, there are usually tremendous economic stakes in a divorce that could impact your financial future. Be wary of sharing the details of your divorce (and even your life while in the middle of a divorce) so as to promote and secure the best financial outcome.
2. Bad-mouthing a spouse could hurt you in a custody case.
Spreading dirty details about your divorce will show that you aren’t working towards a better relationship with your child’s parent. Consider that many jurisdictions want to see that, despite the failure of a marriage, parents can act cordially with each other and are working to foster a healthy relationship with the children.
3. Dirty details may catch the ears of your own children.
Sharing details inevitably trickles down to the kids. People gossip and whispering down the lane could impact your own family life and your children’s relationships. Children are tuning into what is happening in their parents’ lives. When talking to friends and neighbors remember that your kids will start hearing details they don’t need or want to hear. From an attorney’s point of view, you don’t need to help your children figure out if their parent is a disappointment. If that is truly the case, kids usually figure it out for themselves, eventually.
4. Sharing dirty details of your divorce could affect your other relationships with friends, neighbors, and colleagues.
Beware of your frenemies. It is natural for friends of divorcing spouses or polarized parents to pick sides. Be prepared for it and guard your words. At work, in the neighborhood or in the community, disclosing too much information could affect future relationships. If you must share, remember to keep the details to a minimum. Revealing too much about your divorce may give people the wrong impression or an impression you don’t want them to have. With bare minimum details, friends, neighbors, and co-workers can still extend their sympathy without having to hear every dirty detail.
5. Sharing dirty details of your divorce could impact your future relationship with your former spouse.
You may have kids in common with your spouse and/or share common friends, and the need to have a civil relationship with your ex in the future is probably more important than broadcasting the dirt on your divorce. Publicizing the details of your divorce may destroy any semblance of a civil relationship with your former spouse.
6. Sharing dirty details on social media could impact your employment.
What goes on social media, stays on social media. Remember that employers and potential employers will view social media accounts to get an idea of what is happening in an employee’s life. Think about what you post and don’t be too hasty when you have something negative to say. It may feel good at the time, but in the long term, it doesn’t do you any good.
7. Broadcasting dirty details won’t make you feel better.
Perhaps there is instant gratification in sharing the dirty details of your divorce. But, stop for a second and really think about it. Is it really cathartic to blast your business to the world? Shouldn’t the intimate, deeply personal details of your divorce be kept private? If you need an outlet to release the pain, find your best friend, a parent or sibling, or a therapist to work through your feelings.
8. Your best course of action during a divorce is taking the high road.
Before sharing information about your divorce in public, ask yourself, “Does it advance my healing (or my financial bottom line) to have divorce details play out in social circles and community?” The divorce is your business and, in the long run, keeping the details of your divorce private is probably the best way to go.
It is an unfortunate reality that you should expect every detail of your life to be closely examined when you are party to a divorce or child custody matter. It is, however, the current reality, and my advice to clients is always to err on the side of caution. Show your friends, family, co-workers – and even your ex – that you are resilient and are truly on your way to healing from the loss of your marriage by keeping the details of your divorce to yourself.
The information above is general: we recommend that you consult an attorney regarding your specific circumstances. The content of this information is not meant to be considered as legal advice or a substitute for legal representation.