“Can we film the operation, Is the head dead yet? You know the boys in the newsroom got a running bet. Get the widow on the set we need dirty laundry” Don Henley.
Those are the lyrics of a popular song Don Henley wrote about the tabloidization of TV news way back in 1982. Word on the street is he was inspired by excessive media coverage of the death’s of Actress Natalie Wood, Actor John Belushi and his own run-in with the law. Mr. Henley must have owned some sort of time traveling device because if he thought that the news was tabloid in 82′, well what can I say? Welcome back to the 21st-century dude!
Back in the ‘olden days’ of the early 80s, one relied on the media to give them their 15 minutes of fame. These days social media (in theory) can turn the average Joe or Josephine into a sensation overnight. While I get the draw, (who doesn’t want to be famous?), I would advise dropping social media altogether if you’re going through a divorce and have a tendency to share too much.
Below are 8 Great Reasons To Avoid Facebook During Divorce:
1. Drunk dialing is not sexy. Drunk posting on Facebook about why your marriage broke up is even less sexy. Your ex might be an asshole or a cheating bastard or insert description here, but Facebook is not the venue to advertise those fun facts. Want to lose credibility with friends and family? Share too much on Facebook.
2. Nobody wants to hear this but I’m going to say it out loud so please listen up. Employers and hiring managers really do check out social media of potential applicants. I have been a hiring manager; I have done this myself.
Is it fair?
There are probably some lawyers out there that would contend that it’s not. That just means I have to be extra careful about telling HR why I don’t want to bring Mr. or Ms. “Social Media word vomit” in for an interview. There’s always a legitimate reason not to interview or not to hire someone and I am smart. I will find that reason if it is there. So will other hiring managers.
3. Most people are squeamish about the mere topic of divorce. They hear the word and want to immediately run away. Airing your grievances on Facebook just might alienate some of the people you would be looking to for support.
4. I’m not saying that you should be silent. Divorce sucks and hopefully, you have a great support group to help you through this mess. They are your real friends and they won’t mind you sharing your pain with them in private. Sharing your pain on Facebook just appears (whether it’s true or not) that you’re looking for attention.
5. Let’s face it. Facebook friendships fall into three categories. 1) True friends 2) Work friends 3) Acquaintances. That means that 2/3 of your Facebook friends are people that don’t really like you or don’t really care about you. They are going to be judgmental and they will talk about your posts behind your back.
6. Okay, so the first 5 reasons to stay away from social media after your divorce is about what you post. These last three are going to be about what you read. For heaven’s sake if you must continue to suckle upon the teat of social media, by all means, stay away from those people who were part of your “ex-life” and yes that includes your Ex!
7. Do Not; I repeat Do Not stalk your Ex or his new girlfriend on social media! Nothing good comes of it. Once you see it, you can’t un-see whatever it is so don’t look at all. Ever! The best way to do this? Block them! It’s a cool little feature that allows you and them to become virtually invisible to one another. You can’t see them and they can’t see you. It’s awesome. If you’re going to indulge in technology, learn how to use all of the components!
8. My final suggestion. Understand what Facebook is and what it is not. I started the article out with nostalgia and I will end it on that note. Take out your family photo album and peruse it. What’s in there? I don’t know you but I can guess that it’s probably pictures depicting the best moments of your life. Your wedding, your first ultrasound, your daughter/son’s first birthday. All the good stuff!
You tend to capture the best moments of your life on Facebook; not the worst. Facebook is that same photo album gone viral. It’s not the total picture. Just remember that if you happen upon your ex’s post of his awesome vacation with his new main squeeze. He’s not going to post about the fight they had while they were packing just like you didn’t put a picture of the time you and he fought about his cheating ways.
Bottom line? Just stay away from social media altogether by temporarily deactivating your account(s) if you don’t have the will-power to keep your divorce off social media. Your body is too busy dealing with this trauma to muster up the will-power to use Facebook responsibly; whether it’s to refrain from posting too many details or cyberstalking. Take a break and I promise you one thing: Your day will become a whole lot more productive at the very least. At most you save yourself some embarrassment and heartache. May the force be with you!