The divorce is final and you’re ready to think about acting out on your stifled sexual desires. Good for you!
For me, those desires didn’t manifest themselves until after I had the paperwork in hand and my maiden name back. Unfortunately, the desire was there, but the time and partners took their time showing up.
Whether you’re jumping back into sex or you’re navigating a new relationship, here are a few unexpected benefits to post-divorce sex to keep in mind:
1. Orgasms mean better sleep:
Okay, I’m assuming you have found a partner who knows how to give you orgasms or you finally learned how to speak up and say, “A little to the left” or “Not so fast” to get what you want. Hell, maybe you’ve finally discovered the wonderful world of masturbation. Sex with yourself is still sex. Either way, all those orgasms will relax you and help you sleep much better.
2. You’re more than a mom, boss, or divorced single woman:
Feeling less than desirable in your sensible work pants or stained t-shirt? Yeah, I get it. After a night where you put on the pretty bra and panties, rub on the good lotion, and finally have some sex, you’ll be reminded that you’re so much more than your other titles. You’re also a sexual, sensual woman who deserves all the pleasure in the world.
3. You get to try new things:
There’s something about a divorce that can feel like a fresh start on life. Your sex life should be no different. Curious about bondage? Been thinking about different positions? What about that one thing you would never do for your husband? This is the time to start experimenting.
4. Freedom to reinvent yourself:
This goes beyond trying a new position. Sex as a single adult is a completely different world, and when it’s good, it can be a great ego booster. You’re a sexy, desirable woman, damn it – start acting like it.
5. Multiple partners:
Show of hands – who said, “I will never get married again!” after their divorce was final? Me too. I’m several years past that point, but before I came across the man I’d be willing to marry, I dated a few people at the same time. It was fun and invigorating. We knew it was a casual thing and the expectations were low. So casual dating with multiple men means you can, if you want, to have sex with different people. No more ruts. No more anticipating the moves before they happen. No more knowing his “signal” or “O-face.” It can be a new experience every day (or night).
6. No more using sex as a bargaining tool:
Please tell me I’m not the only woman who bartered sex for clean dishes or not having to cook one night? Yeah, I’m not proud of it, and it was a sign we had big issues, but guess what? When you’re divorced, you have sex because you want to, because it feels good, because you desire your partner – not because you really don’t want to be the one to vacuum the living room… again.
7. Sex without (too many) obligations:
I need to feel a connection before I can have sex with someone, but that didn’t mean I always wanted to bring them home to stay in the post-divorce years. Now that you’re divorced, you can have good sex, enjoy the companionship, and try new things without worrying about washing their dirty underwear or making their breakfast the next morning.
8. Gain confidence:
At some point or another, after a divorce, we eventually realize that if we ever want to have sex again, someone is going to have to see us naked. Did this send you into a panic, too? I think I cried. Here’s the deal – when you find the person you want to have sex with and they want to have sex with you, you can be sure of a few things; you know you’re one sexy woman, you attracted them to you and gained their attention. You made them want you. Your confidence should immediately increase.
Okay, a few things to keep in mind:
Always, always practice safe sex. Birth control, condoms, get tested, all of that. No, you might not have worried about it for 20 years, but you need to worry about it now.
Secondly, keep your radar on for potential assholes and creeps. They will not help you gain body confidence and the sex might not be great, but when you find the right people who want to keep it casual in the same way you do, you can reap the benefits of a good sex life.
Now that the divorce is over, don’t panic about sex. When you’re ready, open yourself up to the possibility, work on gaining confidence in yourself, try casual flirting to see how it feels, and only then, when you’re really ready, will you be able to enjoy all of the benefits of sex in a post-divorce world.