You’ve met someone new, fallen in love and you’re ready to get married again. Or, are you? Could your desire to marry again be more complex?
“Love” isn’t the only motivating factor when it comes to getting married. If this were true, I know quite a few people who would be married today. Thank goodness they aren’t!
When it comes to marrying for the second or, even third time understanding your true motivations for wanting to marry can help you determine how successful the marriage will be.
It’s only common sense that if you get married again for the right reasons, you will be more likely to have a successful marriage.
4 Bad Reasons To Get Married Again:
Some people can’t be alone, they don’t like their own company and being unattached. They don’t feel complete if they aren’t part of a couple. The problem with allowing loneliness to motivate you to marry again is this, if that second marriage is a bad marriage, you will be lonelier than you were before you married.
It’s a great relationship that keeps a person from feeling lonely, not marriage.
2. Financial Need:
Several years ago a divorcee’ with three boys moved in next door to me. We became friends and a few months later during a conversation, she firmly stated, “I need to find a man to marry to help pay my bills.” Within four months she was married again, had quit her job and was, once again, a stay-at-home mom.
Financial need can be a great motivator for some to marry again. Especially young mothers like my friend who are struggling to support and care for children. My friend had a 4th child with her new husband, is now divorced again and, more than likely on the look-out for another husband to help pay the bills.
Regardless of your gender, don’t marry someone because it will help relieve financial stress or, help further a corporate career. That is a rotten thing to do to someone who may genuinely love you.
3. Sexual Attraction:
Lust isn’t loved, there is a HUGE difference between the two. And, waiting to have sex until marriage due to religious or ethical reasons is no reason to rush into another marriage. Sexual attraction can blind people to negative personality traits in a partner and negative relationship issues. Wait until the lust dies down and the rose-colored glasses come off before committing to spend your life with someone you want to have sex with.
4. Pressure from Friends and Family:
You’ve been through a nasty divorce. Your friends and family have watched with concern for your wellbeing. They want to see you happy and coupled up again. Don’t be surprised if they start talking marriage at the first sign of you being in a great relationship. Them pressuring you to marry again is more about relieving their own discomfort at the thought of you being alone than about you finding happiness in a healthy marriage. Don’t let others make the decision for you!
4 Good Reasons To Get Married Again:
1. You Are Emotionally Ready:
You know who you are and, you like who you are. You’ve got a keen sense of self and the ability to discern when you’ve attached yourself to someone who doesn’t respect that in you. You have the internal resources required to work through marital and relationship problems. Inevitable hard times in the marriage can be tackled and dealt with because you and your new spouse are highly functioning, autonomous individuals who don’t shy away from conflict.
You’ve no leftover baggage from your previous marriage. When it comes to your ex-spouse you are able to have a civil relationship and co-parent in a healthy manner. There is no unresolved pain, leftover anger and you’ve learned valuable lessons to take into your second marriage from your previous.
2. You’ve Invested Time In The Relationship:
A study from the School of Professional Psychology at Pacific University revealed that a strong correlation exists between the length of the dating period and marital success. The study showed that couples who dated for more than two years scored consistently high on marital satisfaction, while couples who dated for shorter periods of time scored in a wide range from very high to very low.
The longer you date, the better you get to know each other which will equate to more satisfaction in the marriage. Again, more common sense!
3. You Are In An Emotionally Stable Relationship:
If your relationship has been marked by conflict, turmoil, cheating and, constantly breaking up and getting back together you don’t have the stability to maintain a healthy relationship during marriage. If you are both reliable, dependable and consistent in your love and concern for each other it’s time to hit the alter!
4. You Two Hold Similar Values And Beliefs:
Happily married couples have a lot in common. Having like-minded views on issues that are important to both of you is the glue that holds a couple together. Having similar core beliefs, values and ethics is associated with marital success and is less associated with marital instability and divorce.
If you aren’t on the same page regarding issues such as how many children to have, how to spend marital assets, how much alcohol consumption is too much stay away from the alter!
As you consider whether or not you are ready to get married again, take time to consider each of the above bad and good reasons. The time you spend making sure marriage, right now, is right for you could save you a lot of emotional pain in the future.