I need to share a new website I found tonight, called brainwashingchildren.com. While I was married to Ted, many of these behaviors started to emerge, and after I left him they became full blown. We are not imagining or trying to “create problems”. This is real and the more we educate ourselves the more we can help our angels through this terrible time. When I was court ordered to go through Parent Coordination with Ted, I would tell the PC I felt the kids were being brainwashed against me, just for Ted to sit there and laugh with the PC completely dismissing me. Below are a few excerpts from different articles on brainwashingchildren.com. I am sharing these because John is describing my life almost word for word.
“In my study of mental abuse of children as well as my own observations regarding my ex, I’ve noticed how prevalent it is that the child abuser is highly narcissistic.
What’s a narcissistic parent? It’s someone who is self-absorbed, authoritarian (watch out for their outbursts), negative, a know-it-all, never culpable or blameworthy for anything, highly critical of others, secretive, cunning and conniving, manipulative, exploitive, stingy, ungrateful, a pathological liar (twists the truth with incredible ease), envious and competitive, deaf to other’s opinions, doesn’t listen (zero empathy), brags and exaggerates, plays favorites (and it’s a rotating favorite list at that), has no boundaries, inept at basic manners, lacks a sense of humor (especially at themselves), and excels at making others feel guilty… He or she is one unhappy person (read this post on Unhappy Parents) who sucks the energy and life out of those around them.
Looking at these traits, how many of them apply to your situation? A narcissistic father or mother will have most of the traits listed.
There’s a simple reason why the more a parent brainwashes his or her own children (or dishes out any other form of abuse), the more narcissistic tendencies they have:
It takes an extremely selfish and sick parent to inflict such harm onto their own child.
There are degradations of parental alienation. The most severe type is perpetrated by High Level Brainwashers (HLBs).
These parents are ruthless in their efforts to eliminate their ex from the child’s life. They spend decades spinning tales of woe of what the ex did, labeling the ex every derogatory name imaginable, and doing everything possible to deny an ex physical access to “their” child.
Below is a list of the dominant characteristics and behaviors of HLBs:
- They dwell on the sins of the past. They simply cannot forgive any past grievances and ‘move on.’ They are permanently stuck in the past
- They are revenge-minded. They will commonly say things like, “I don’t get mad, I get even,” or “You’ll pay for this.” They have anger and aggression issues
- They are deeply unhappy people. Happy people don’t dwell on negatives, and allow past wrongs to weigh them down
- They have one or more psychological disorders. Bipolar, Munchausen by Proxy, or other mood/anxiety disorders
- They are frequently on medications like antidepressants to stabilize their negative moods
- They were abused or neglected as as children. The roots of an HLB’s bulldozing ways goes back to a dysfunctional childhood
- They are extremely selfish people. They are bad listeners, first and foremost. They are capable of completely disregarding the welfare of the child if it suits their own needs
- They view child as a possession. Ownership of and control of the child. They will micromanage the child’s life in the extreme
- They abuse the child on other levels. HLBs frequently physically and/or sexually abuse children as
- well. In short, they have no boundaries.
There is one final trait of the truly worst HLBs, and that’s the narcissistic parent. I didn’t include it in the list because only a sliver of the high level brainwashers are narcissistic. And these parents are the absolute worst abusers, and are true evil-doers at their core. They all lack a conscience. Read this article on the narcissistic parent.
HLBs are professionals at wrecking parent-child relationships. They are masters at turning their perceived victimhood into manipulative lies intent on destroying their own child’s love for the other parent. This mental child abuse that causes lasting scars, even when the child does one day realize the fraud and lies perpetrated onto them.”