Those of us divorced from and trying to co-parent with a narcissist can be left emotionally drained much of the time. I often try to change my mood around imagining him saying something selfless and with his entire focus on the kids. For a moment…imagine it with me….something…selfless…from your narcissist.
See? You just giggled too. Never ever ever ever gonna happen. We married them, so now we are stuck dealing with them until our children turn 18. Yes, we were suckers, but that doesn’t mean we need to stay exactly where they want us, which is scared, lonely, anxious, and depressed. We are women, and we are strong. God made us women and gave us this challenge for a reason.
I will never understand why, all I can do is try my hardest to heal and thrive because when this is all over and my kids are 18, I will be completely free. Free to be happy, and live my life without ever thinking of him again, and Ted will always be miserable in his hell. He created it, and he will never leave.
And so, with my fondness of the ever popular list, I thought I would make my own.
Drum roll, please…
WORDS MY NARCISSIST EX-HUSBAND WILL NEVER SAY
Please, feel free to jump in and add to the list. We can all sit around with our glasses of wine and giggle together.
1. Thank you (and mean it, and it doesn’t count if you just gave into an unfair deal or demand)
2. Sure! I will switch you parenting time so you can go to work
3. I receive the child support, so let me pay or contribute for new clothes, coats, meds, school projects and dance class.
4. Oh!! The story I told everyone didn’t actually happen that way? I am SO sorry! It is all MY fault. I will tell everyone the real story (if there is one).
5. I truly want to stay out of court. Let’s work out this problem and truly compromise because the kids will be the real winners.
6. I will never bash, put down or discredit your parenting in front of or to the children ever again.
7. I want what is truly fair to our children, you, and me (note the “me” is last! HA!)
8. Let’s put the kids ahead of everything else, including my own agenda.
9. You are important in our children’s lives, let’s work out a fair parenting schedule.
10. I want our children to grow up to be emotionally functional adults, so how can we do this?
11. I will never accuse the children of taking YOUR side because there should never be “sides.”
12. I will respect your time with our children. I will never drill them about time spent with you.
13. I am wrong
14. I will never listen in or record conversations between you and our children.
15. The real truth is…
16. I love our children more than I hate you.
17. I will not use our children as pawns.
18. Our children have the right to love us both equally.
19. Our child is not a trophy and will not be treated as such.
20. My family and I will not stalk you to find out information I can use against you in court
It is my goal to purposefully do the opposite of the list above. I may not be able to choose the path I want my children to take as they grow up, but by giving them as many tools and thoughtful good examples as I can, I will at least know I did everything I could to make them good, thoughtful, giving and contributing members of society.