I made a decision last week. I decided that while I continue my journey to work on “me” emotionally and spiritually, I need to work on the physical “me” as well. I feel if I am going to achieve my greatest healing, all three are necessary.
I grew up dancing and taught jazz to adults and kids while I was in college. After college, I became super fit, working out constantly and taking martial arts classes 4 days a week. I read every word of every fitness magazine I could get my hands on. I counted every gram of fat, sodium, carb, calorie and fat calorie that went into my body. I ate high amounts of protein, and low amounts of carbs.
I had willpower.
Then. Came. Pregnancy.
I continued to work out and earned my blue belt in tae kwon do at 29 weeks pregnant with Grant. Swearing to anyone who would listen I would continue my quest to ultimate fitness, work out just as much and lose all of my baby weight quickly once Grant was born.
Reality hit when I had my first attempt at an appendectomy when Grant was 17 weeks old. My appendix was partially ruptured and adhered to the bowel. The surgeon would have had to do a bowel resection if he removed it, and did not want to do a resection unless necessary, so kept me in the hospital for 4 days on IV antibiotics and took it out 3 months later. Once I was finally healed from the surgeries, Grant was just starting to get mobile. Being mom to a busy baby, healthcare worker to the very ill, and housekeeper to a lazy husband kept me hopping. There was just no time to work out anymore.
I have yo-yo’d within a 30 pound range since, barely working out at all since Dane and I became serious. I have now swung back to the absolute tip of the heavy end of my 30 pound range and I am sick of being “big for me.” I blame Dane’s fabulous cooking. I am fairly tall and medium build. Ted always made me feel like I was too fat if I reached 135 pounds, unlike Dane who tells me I’m “fine” no matter what I weigh, because it really doesn’t matter to him.
I have been reading a lot about working out lately. I have been reminded over and over how working out helps relieve stress and depression, and releases “feel good” hormones.
Sooooo, last week I finally wiggled back into some shorts and an old shirt and started some fitness games on our game system. The first one was too easy, so I put in a hard one….
Day 2… woke up very sore. Worked out to hard game again, thinking this is nuts.
Day 3…woke up so sore couldn’t bend over. Needed to clean due to houseguests coming, so took weekend off
Weekend…fell and feared my elbow was broken.
Day 4…elbow hurt too bad to punch, said to hell with working out that day, cleaned more
Day 5…got mad at my elbow, worked out to different routine not involving punching.
AAAAnd that’s how it’s going so far. I do feel so much better emotionally when I work out, and I don’t boredom or stress eat on those days. I am determined to stick with it, not only for the healing, but also so I can fit back into my adorable expensive skinny jeans. I will keep you updated.