Divorce #2 is vastly different from Divorce #1. It has everything to do with my level of acceptance.
In Divorce #1, I held out hope for a reconciliation. I tried to convince Husband #1 that our marriage was worth saving. I did all the wrong things: Begging, fighting, guilting, cajoling, badgering, exploding. I was deeply hurt and deeply angered. I took it all personally and fell completely apart.
With Divorce #2 I’m not trying to save a thing. It’s not that I didn’t want to. it’s that I know it won’t work. Husband #2 has even accused me of trying to save the marriage at one point by doing tactics we both learned from Divorce Busting. I’m not trying to save anything. I just accepted he was going. He’s told me he is never coming back and I decided to take him at his word. Hence my acceptance of the situation.
I was still deeply hurt and I even fell apart for a couple of weeks but my “giving up” allowed me to recuperate faster than I did during Divorce #1. I also have experience on my side. I experienced a tough, drawn out divorce with Husband #1 and still found a way to survive. I know I have it in me to do it again.
I may not agree with Husband #2’s rush to get a divorce but I’ve accepted there’s nothing I can do to change the situation. I’m not fighting him at all and when the time comes, I’ll sign the papers and send them back without stewing about it.
I’ve learned what I can control and have the serenity to accept what I can’t.