How many of us upon waking in the morning, decide that we will betray those we love most in the world? Not many, i suspect. And yet we take part in the betrayal of disengagement when we choose to answer cell phones during dinner time, rush off to check emails instead of hanging with our kids, and wrap ourselves up in a new book and not hear the details of our spouse’s bad (maybe even boring) day.
It’s the not caring. Of letting the connection go. Of not being willing to devote time and effort to the relationship. Disengagement triggers shame and our greatest fears of being abandoned, unworthy, and unlovable.
In my mind, the questions race: – why am I not getting feedback? – tell me you love me – tell me you’re angry – just tell me something so I know you remember that I exist
Perhaps my loved ones have the same questions rattling around in their heads when I disappear to write my blog posts. Would 30 minutes of connecting a day be considered too much, too little, just right? Based on my current habits, 1/2 hour would be considered a long time….
So I’ve taken the first step. Son #1 and I enjoyed a lunch together today. While eating home-made spaghetti, he explained an idea for an app. Something imaginative that he thought would be worthy. In reality, it would have been daunting to pull together, but I was practicing “engagement” so I listened, without judgment or criticism, to his idea.
In the grand scheme of things, he’ll most likely never remember our conversation. But he will remember that I was fully in the moment for him. And all those little moments of commitment will add up to the big picture: My mom loves and supports me.
I’m going to make sure that my loved ones know they are a priority to me and that I care about their worlds…