You’ll hear this phrase a lot when you are going through a divorce: you have to get over it.
It’s very easy to say but how does one go about “getting over” a relationship? It’s a death. The future you thought you’d have is going away, even if you still have to deal with your ex on a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, or never basis.
I don’t have all the answers. I can only tell you what works for me.
The first thing I do is to listen to just about every breakup song I can find and sing at the top of my lungs. And I cry while I’m singing. If you grew up in the 80’s like I did, there is no shortage of good, heart-wrenching breakup ballads to listen to. I always start with Whitesnake’s Here I Go Again.
I really wanted my hair to look like David Coverdale’s. Side rant: Why do men always have perfect hair and long eyelashes?
The second thing that I do is to hang up photos of my soon-to-be ex-husband. I know, I know, this sounds crazy. While others are taking photos down, or artfully burning holes into photos where their ex’s faces reside, I’m putting up pictures. For me, it’s a way to think about past memories and what I’ll be missing in the future. Again with the crying.
Normally I’d be described as a “strong” woman, but for this little bit of time I just want to hurt, lick my wounds, and be weak. Singing sad songs and looking at old photos helps me to connect with the soft part of me that needs to come out for a while.
For today I will cry.