I have to admit it. I miss you terribly still.
I’ve been purposely avoiding thoughts of Husband #2. Our contact is minimal, logistical, brief. Just wrap-ups of when to meet up for the exchange of divorce papers and the changing of car titles. As much as I try to detach and stay neutral, the tears still well up when I think about him.
My confession: I miss you terribly. As happy as I am in some areas of my life, I’m miserable in one regard. I want to share those happy moments with you.
You’re not here.
I miss crawling into bed at night and spooning around him, snuggling up against his back and smelling his skin. I miss the way he would magically fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow while I struggled to reach Dreamland.
And, later at night when my insomnia would kick in again, I miss lying in the dark, hearing Husband #2’s breathing, all the while wondering if I should sneak downstairs to the couch so my middle-of-the-night restlessness wouldn’t wake him.
I miss the times when the kids were at Husband #1’s house for the weekend. Husband #2 and I would leave the bedroom door open, crawl into bed naked, and make noise.
And I especially miss waking up next to Husband #2 and his seemingly perfect hair that would never get messed up after a night of sleeping…how young he looked in the morning light, even though his hair was slowly moving its way to more salt than pepper…how his morning stubble poked through the skin of his cheeks.
I miss putting my cheek on his chest and just lying there in silence before the day’s activities intruded on our moment of reflection.