Husband #2 and I have this dynamic. We’re both stubborn. To give in means being viewed as the weak one. Neither of us wants to appear weak.
Here’s an example from the past. Sadly, this happened more times than I can remember. Husband #2 and I would make plans to do something, let’s just say…go out to breakfast at one of the local restaurants. I would ask that he give me time to take a shower first. Sure, no problem. He would go into our office and sit at his computer desk, browsing the web while waiting for me. After finishing my shower, I would go into our office and sit at my computer desk, mention that I was waiting on him. I’d plunk at my keyboard. Ten minutes would go by…. Thirty minutes would pass… An hour… Finally I’d burst out in frustration, “Are you done yet??” To which he would burst out, “I’m waiting for you!”
Silly and yet very typical.
I would be too stubborn to ask him to get off of his computer and he would be too…I don’t know what, fill in your own blank….to ask me if I was finished. We’d end up angry at each other and wasting time because neither of us would put ourselves out there.
Tonight I did something out of character for me. I took the high road of vulnerability and went first.
After 2 months of no contact, I extended an invitation to reconnect to Husband #2. It’s not a full blown 6 piece wedding-type invitation with vellum and directions. It’s more of a standing next to each other at the gas station and striking up a conversation type of invitation. I’ve got to start small. After all, we haven’t spoken in months AND as far as I know I’m still the woman he’s running away from.
So I put it out there in an email. How is the job situation going? If you feel like contacting me I would be happy to hear from you. I hope all is well with you.
Husband #2 can respond or not respond. He can be mean or nice. He can tell me where to go and that he’ll serve me with papers when I get there. I just don’t know. But I took off my armor and extended my hand. That’s all I can do.
I guess that makes me the weak one.