I’ve been here before in this same spot, in this familiar scene…sitting on my couch, peering out of the window, and watching the snow fall. It’s been an exceptionally snowy winter. I’ve forgotton how many times I’ve shoveled off the walkways and the long driveway to the street. I’ve lost track of how many silent prayers I’ve muttered as I mentally pushed my car up the icy hill at the foot of my street.
My plant journal tells me in past years I’ve had snowdrops and even crocuses blooming in February and March. Daffodils and daylilies have usually poked their new shoots through the earth, preparing for their April and May blooms. Not so today. The ground had been covered with snow since I don’t know when and it’s still frozen solid. I know because I tried to rake dead leaves out of my hosta beds the other day. Gardeners are crazy, crazy people. We’re always trying to defy Mother Nature by pushing our luck with late frost dates and planing zones. What can I say? I love seeds.
March: in like a lion, out like a lamb. Will that hold true? I always forget to check.
It’s easy to get pulled into depression after a long winter indoors. I’m not one for that. I love snow. There is nothing so beautiful as the pathway lights shining on the freshly fallen snow every evening. My house looks cozy and welcoming when I pull up after a busy day of work. It’s the perfect weather for having a cup of homemade chai tea or hot chocolate. Even this long winter has done little to dampen my mood.
I’ll admit that I’m eager for winter to end. I want to get outside and play in the garden. There are peas to plant and a greenhouse to erect. I hold out hope that I will eventually win a battle against the deer and look foward to building the new fence. And there are the chickens I hope to use as my natural weed killers, scratching and eating the dandelions that live in my asparagus patch. Then there are the yearly mysteries: Will my beans sprout? Will my blueberry blooms survive the last frost? When will the wrens and the hummingbirds arrive?
No matter how much longer winter rages on I know one thing for sure:
This, too, shall pass.
Part of what keeps me optimistic is the underlying truth that nothing stays the same. Change is one of those certainties, right up there with death and taxes…both of which I’ve been dealing with lately.
It’s interesting to define “change” as a “constant”, but it is. My life has been filled with changes, planned and unplanned. Past changes like Son #1’s arrival in my life earlier than expected, my zigzag career path, my first divorce…these were drastic changes which announced themselves with a big “SURPRISE!”
And then there were the other changes, like paring down the household to fit into a smaller abode, adding two workouts to my daily schedule, scholarship award letters, and marscapone cheese (it’s a dessert thing).
Just like the long winter, I’ve been keeping my sunny disposition throughout the separation from Husband #2. Some days are up. Some days are down. Overall, I have confidence in my ability to face things because again, this, too, shall pass. The situation between Husband #2 and I will not remain as it is forever and forever. I don’t know exactly what will happen next, but I do know that today is not my final destination.
There is greatness coming from my great mess.