One of the worst pieces of advice you can get is the old, “Time heals all wounds”. Turns out that it doesn’t. Healing is an active process, not one that happens magically behind a curtain while the clock ticks away second after second.
Time heals nothing, it only replaces memories.
Husband #2 mentioned that he hoped I would have “developed some calluses” since he left. Like making myself harder would have lessened the sadness. Thankfully, I’m not into building walls around myself for protection. Once I start building walls, I prohibit emotional intimacy from touching me. That’s not my goal in life. I want to be the soft place to land, not the fortress of solitude.
So I’ve been working through a process for healing. One of the great things about this day and age is you can do an online search for anything. My search for “how to heal a broken heart” directed me to 10 Tips to Mend a Broken Heart at PsychCentral.
Step #1: Go through it, not around it.
By going through the intense pain, I eventually surfaced as a stronger person ready to tackle problems head on. Soon the pain lost its stronghold over me.
Going through pain is not fun. It’s downright scary. And it hurts. And you cry. A lot. But without feeling it now, you will stumble over it again at some time in the future when it raises its ugly head and decides to take you down once more. I vowed to feel the pain…every single bit of it. Sometimes it feels like it tackles me every day. After all, I live in a house filled with memories and no matter how much I paint the walls or rearrange the furniture, I’m still staring at the flooring that Husband #2 and I put in together.
I could sell the house and run away, but that would be me going around my pain rather than facing it. I would also run from living if I did that.
My life experiment with being vulnerable continues…